Set your mind on things above, not on the things that are on earth. For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God.


Promise of a Lifetime

Will You help me fall apart
Pick me up, take me in Your arms
Find my way back from the storm
And You show me how to grow
Through the change


(how true this applies to my life this last month)


I can't believe I have already been home for a week and a half! I've been having such a great time though! It is a little hard for me to think that I will be back in SD I won't think about it.
It already Christmas! It is weird because last year I was in SD at this time and mow it is the opposite. I find myself saying Yes I go back 'home' January 5th. But SD is not my home. The first week I was home in WA I didn't want to go back to SD at all, I think because of all that had happened when i left. But now I do want to return, idk why. I love it here and don't think I could ever live in SD. I am thinking that I will drive here to WA once the snow is melted, but what will I do? I have a summer job for sure, but no plan til then. I have been praying about doing reliv, but I don't' have enough money right now.
I have so much running through my head.
I have forgiven the people that hurt me in SD. It was such an amazing feeling when it happened. Sunday night at church, they were talking about Jesus coming as the Light and then how we are now to be a light for Him. And I just thought I'm not really being a light if I don't forgive them. I hadn't really been angry at them, just hurt. I didn't realize that I needed to forgive them. But I still hurts though, but the pain will go away with prayer and time, it has before.

God, what do you have for me in these next few months? Be near me.


You find out who your friends are...

...this phrase has been becoming more true to me. Especially after what happened in SD. People I thought were my friends and I thought I could trust, but really didn't love me. My friends here at home have been so accepting and loving me no matter what. My true friends understand human nature and that we all fall short, we all sin and mess up. But God grace and forgiveness is amazing! And He continues to bless me with that and never fails to amaze me with my amazing friends and family. I can't stop getting over how loved I am! By God, my family and friends will always love me no matter what! And someday, I hope, to meet some special guy who will too :)


Wow, I am so overwhelmingly full of joy to be home! On Friday me and my cousin Samantha drove over to Sioux Falls to stay the night since I had an early flight. I didn't sleep a wink. we didn't get to bed until almost 2 and had to get up at 5. I was so excited to go home and nervous about flying that didn't sleep well.
I hate flying. The last time I did was 3 or 4 years ago. So I kinda had forgotten, but I know I don't like it! I had to get n 3 planes on Saturday to get home. It was stressful and it got worse for my last fl light from Seattle to Wenatchee. It was this small I was like already freaking out! I talked to m parents when I could throughout the day I knew that they and my friends were praying for me. My dad told me they served complimentary wine on this last flight and to have some to relax me. So I did and was doing better. We were seriously almost to Wenatchee when the pilot's voice spoke over the loudspeaker and said we were turning around to go back to Seattle. The landing gear door had open and slammed shut during our flight and that was abnormal. Everything else was fine, but as a safety precaution it would be better to land on a longer runway that wasn't covered with snow so we turned back. I almost lost it there, so close to home and I was fading fast from all the stress of flying! I hate it. Got on another plane and I just sat the whole way with my eyes closed and didn't open them until we landed!
My welcoming party consisted of all my 8 wonderful siblings and 3 of my other friends! I was so overwhelmed with emotion I was like shaking for a full 3 minutes and had to sit down! I was home! And my wonderful family was waiting for me to get home...had to a little longer because of the plane turning back.
Went to church this morning then got went and cut down our Christmas tree! It is the sweetest tree ever. I found it and it was exactly what I pictured! Perfect. It is a little taller then me and the branches are nice and even,y distributed all around it...i love it!
I am so happy to be home!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It really feel like I never left! It will be hard to leave again in 3 weeks, but I don't want to think about and will make the most of every minute I have while here!
It also helps me alot to be home after everything that happened with people in SD. I have amazing friends here who love me and are so understanding, I can trust them!
I have to do a little work with my relationship with Kristen though...there has been a little drifting apart since i've been gone.
Okay I am going to sleep now...plan to bake an apple pie tomorrow :)


from a dream to a nightmare

it has only been a week, and things have kept building up and got worse. Tell had a date two days ago and then the other night friends I thought were my friends...well lets just say they weren't. What hurts the most is that Tell believes the lies about me even though i told him the truth. Why are people believing an unbeliever. They don't even know that why? Can't they see Jesus in me? I haven't even tried to say anything because I'm sure it will just make it worse and people will turn what i say into more stories.
The pain became almost more then I could bear the other night. Not because I care what they think because I don't. I know what happen, God knows what happened and my parents know what happened. Most importantly God...He knows my heart. It hurts because of what they did, behind my back like they planned it, not Tell, but the two other people I called friends. This world is so evil. I felt sorry for them because they are lost and can't see their sin, but now I don't even care. I'm not mad or angry at them, just so hurt that i don't what to take it any more.
Psalm 27 pretty much became my life that night. I felt so alone because i basically have been. There is no one the talk to about this out here. Except God. And it is hard to talk on the phone because this hurts so much i need to be with the person. Only my parents and my mentor and my mom's friend know what really happened and have been encouraging to me. Praying for me. i don't know what i would do with out them. When I get home I plan to tell two more people who mean alot to me. Meeka and Dewie, but other then that this is a hurt that I feel only I can fully bear.
I keep thinking and praying and hurting. God is more concerned about my character then my comfort. He seems to be telling me "I know this hurts, but it needs to happen to get you where you need to be."
This has been the most thing that has hurt in my life now. What happened 4 years ago can't even begin to compare and I thought that was painful!
I try not to think back to oh i should of not done this or that or whatever, but i has happened and i can't wish it away. Only look for what God is teaching me rather then why this is happening.

Hebrews 4: 14-16

"Since then we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weakness, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need."

God is great and awesome, and I don't know how I would survive without Him. How can anybody?


Me and God

Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone,
To have a deep soul relationship with another,
To be loved thoroughly and exclusively.
But God, to a Christian, says,
“No, not until you are satisfied, fulfilled and content
With being loved by Me alone,
With giving yourself totally and unreservedly to Me,
With having an intensely personal and unique relationship with Me alone.
Discovering that only in Me is your satisfaction to be found,
Will you be capable of the perfect human relationship
That I have planned for you.
You will never be united with another until you are united
With Me alone,
Exclusive of anyone or anything else,
Exclusive of any other desires or longings.

I want you to stop planning,
Stop wishing,
And allow Me to give you the most thrilling plan existing,
One that you cannot imagine.
Please allow Me to bring it to you.
You just keep watching Me, expecting the greatest things.
Keep experiencing the satisfaction that I AM.
Keep listening and learning the things I tell you.
You just wait.
That’s all.
Don’t be anxious.
Don’t worry.
Don’t look at the things you think you want;
You just keep looking off and away up to Me,
And then when you are ready,
I’ll surprise you with a love far more wonderful than any you could dream of.
You see, until you are ready and until
The one I have for you is ready
(I am working even at this moment to have you both ready at the same time),
Until you are both satisfied exclusively with Me
And the life I prepared for you,
You won’t be able to experience the love that
Exemplified your relationship with Me.
And this is perfect love.

And dear one, I want you to have this most wonderful love,
I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your
Relationship with Me.
And to enjoy materially and concretely
The everlasting union of beauty, perfection and love
That I offer you with Myself.
Know that I love you utterly.
I AM God.
Believe it and be satisfied.

- St. Anthony of Padua

12.07.2008 now feels like it was just a dream...

hmmm...i'm single now and the events that lead up to that were painful and I would wish them away but, that can't happen.
But Christ's death on the cross has been oh so much more meaningful to me now more then ever! He died for me and made me a new creation! By His blood He washed me and cleansed me! I am forgiven.
I must say that I've learned so much from my time here in SD. But I can't wait to get home for Christmas!!!
The funny thing about the last couple months with Tell...feels like it didn't even happen, like it was just a I never met him and I've just always only been here...with Gma and Gpa. I don't regret anything that happen with him, but I will miss him for a time.
I took a chance, lesson learned.


Can't stop smiling!

Well, God is so good to me and I can't stop thanking Him for how happy I am. The last month has had it ups and downs of difficulties and joys. Yesterday was my 21st birthday and I went out for dinner and got a strawberry margrita and then to a movie with my boyfriend Tell who has the same birthday. Afterwards we did some dancing and I had the most lovely day!
Yes,I met Tell, who is from Montana, over a month ago and after lots of prayer and talking to my friends and family we are now in a relationship and he is becoming my best friend.
Also I got a job at a hunting lodge and I really enjoy it alot.
Marika asked me to be her maid of honor and I am so excited!
I got airline tickets to come home on the 13th of December! I can't wait to see home again!


Random Fun Things

You Are a Plain Ole Cup of Joe

But don't think plain - instead think, uncomplicated

You're a low maintenance kind of girl... who can hang with the guys

Down to earth, easy going, and fun! Yup, that's you: the friend everyone invites.

And your dependable too. Both for a laugh and a sympathetic ear.

You Are Iced Tea

You are very active and energetic. You enjoy keeping busy!

You can handle difficult tasks well. You do what needs to be done without a lot of fuss.

You are casual, welcoming, and unpretentious. You are approachable and friendly.

And while you are laid back, you aren't sloppy. You are poised and understated.



Well my Aunt Bev got here on Wednesday and my Aunt Pat got here Thursday. G'pa seemed to be getting stronger the next day, but still very weak. We took him to the doctor on Friday, but they couldn't do much for him except suggesting physical therapy. Today he is almost back to were he was...he went out to do some chores on his four-wheeler...he still needs to use his walker though.

On Saturday I went to Mitchell so's about an hour drive away. My cousins were gonna come, but they had a cheer competition at a different city. I had a really good day. Got a latte! woohoo!!! And I went to see Eagle Eye...I really liked that movie. I was gone the whole day and home in time for dinner. I was able to drive my car which i haven't since I got was a nice day so I blasted the radio and had the windows and the sun roof open going 75 down I-90!!!

My Aunt Pat left on Sunday after church and the afternoon was restful. My Aunt Bev will be here until Oct 15 when my cousin graduates from the navy school...then she will come back.

We have 5 apples trees that are overloaded this we've been making lots of apple stuff. I just threw an apple crisp in the oven. Tomorrow I might try my hand at some applesauce and can it!

I took out the blanket I was knitting cause the pattern was to difficult and my Aunt Pat helped me start on a different pattern and crocheting has been coming along.

Today has been laundry day so I've been hanging clothes out on the line to dry, I really like doing that, and it is a fairly nice day.

Last night me and Aunt Bev went on a walk out west, we talked about maybe getting a horse...I'm so glad she is here! Ended the evening with a glass of wine! ;-)


God always paints me a sunset...

My G'pa is so weak he can't turn to his side without help. My aunt will be here in two hours. I know that God is near me even when I am overwhelmed. He is with me even when I feel alone. He is my strength and peace. In Christ alone my hope is found; He is my light, my strength, my song; This cornerstone, this solid ground, firm through the fiercest drought and storm. What heights of love, what depths of peace, when fears are stilled when striving cease! My comforter, my all in all- Here in the love of Christ I stand.


Life's Trail

I love to walk the winding, hidden trail
among the tall mountains,
to breathe the air sprinkled with cottonwood seeds
floating, dancing, in the wind.
The trail in certain places is narrow, full of sharp rocks
the cliff it follows goes down
to the foamy river of danger.
Around the next turn I hesitate
this path, like the life I live,
has unsure shadows among the trees
bright sun-colored patches that light up the forest floor
a speckled meadow of wildflowers.
How I love to walk this trail.
I come to the end and continue on.


Cracked Ribs, Thunderstorm, and a Friend

Well the last couple of days have been kinda busy. Thursday night G'pa and I went out on a four-wheel ride. The four-wheeler is like on of those gators, with a bench seat and steering wheel. It was dusk and my G'pa was driving...anyways we were out in the field and there was this ditch over grown with tall grass. Well we ran right into it...and went forward hard, I was holding my camera and dropped it and scrapped up my knees and wrist, but G'pa hit his left side of his chest on the steering wheel.

I went out looking for my camera several times and I didn't think I was gonna find it cause the grass was super tall, but I finally found it Friday night! G'pa was in pain, but there wasn't any bruising.

On Saturday he seemed to be worse so I took him to the ER... 3 hours later, they had x-rayed and did a c-scan. Everything was okay internally. But he probably has a couple cracked ribs which will most likely give him pain for 4 to 6 weeks. It really hard to see him like this. He still hasn't gained weight since coming home from the hospital he actually lost over 15 pounds!

Yesterday we didn't go to church, G'pa wasn't gonna go and G'ma didn't want to leave him alone. That afternoon there was the most amazing thunderstorm! Like super loud and pouring rain! It was awesome!

Before lunch yesterday we had a visitor...the neighbor's hired hand come over to ask G'pa if he could bow hunt around the farm. He had just come from church and he presented himself so well and seemed very gracious towards me grandparents. Anyways, he came back that night to scope out the land, and set up a few deer stands. His name is Brian and he is from Missouri, and just finished college. He started working for the Havliks in January.

Whats on the agenda today! Well, got to do Mondays chores, which is cleaning the floors! And have to do something with all our apples! G'ma gave me this recipe for apple bars...and I'll probably make another pie for the freezer!

My Aunt Pat is coming to visit within the week! I'm so excited to see her. She will help me with that blanket I'm knitting for G'pa. I might go a day to shop with my cousins while she is here too!


I love playing this song on the piano! I miss playing the piano :(
This is a good video though!


G'pa is HOME!!!

G'pa was going to come home yesterday, but he had a bad night he was finally able to come home today!

G'ma and I had a good time at home for a few days while G'pa was in the hospital, but I extremely missed him! We saw him Saturday but did go again to see him until today when we picked him up! I talked to him on the phone everyday. He said he didn't want to be a burden when he got home. I kept telling him he wouldn't be.

Yesterday was a little hard for me. Stayed home the whole day and didn't have much i had to do, but I wrote some letters and talked to people back home. I think yesterday was actually the first time I had to myself so I began missing people and home a little. Also, thinking...I only have to be here for one more month then I can go home if I want because my Aunt Bev is moving here. I know that God wants me here right now, and i have been praying about staying all winter. Just have to see what His will is for me. I do want to take a trip to Indiana to see Marika maybe once my Aunt gets here!

So...we left this morning because G'ma had a doctors appointment and she needed to get some lab work done before. After that we went to lunch and her appointment and went to the hospital to get G'pa. He was all dressed, ready, and waiting in the chair in his room when we got there! I hadn't seen him since Saturday and I could tell he looked different. He had lost 10 pounds of the course of a couple days of being in the hosptial. The nurse gave me his medication list and we drove home.

G'ma and G'pa were both wore out. I got G'pa's pills in order then made supper. G'pa doesn't seem his self. he is just tired and said he is weak and feels poorly. He went to bed an hour earlier then usual. G'ma is getting ready for bed now.

I went outside for awhile to practice my guitar....have to break in those calluses again it's been a few months!


Be Still My Soul

Be still, my soul: the Lord is on your side. Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain; leave to your God to order and provide; in every change God faithful will remain. Be still, my soul: your best, your heavenly friend through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.
Be still, my soul: your God will undertake to guide the future, as in ages past. Your hope, your confidence let nothing shake; all now mysterious shall be bright at last. Be still, my soul: the waves and winds still know the Christ who ruled them while he dwelt below.
Be still, my soul: the hour is hastening on when we shall be forever with the Lord, when disappointment, grief, and fear are gone, sorrow for forgot, love's purest joys restored. Be still, my soul: when change and tears are past, all safe and blessed we shall meet at last.

G'pa is in the hospital

I was to tired to post yesterday...but g'pa had a bad night and none of us got much rest and Friday night me and G'ma went to a Pork Feed and it was fun!

That night G'pa didn't have a good night at all. He moved out into the living room to sleep in his chair cause he couldn't breathe very well lying down. I moved his O2 tank out and then went to bed I didn't really get to sleep. I heard G'pa coughing most of the night and almost 5 in the morning I was wide awake and heard G'ma talking to G'pa and heard hospital and ambulance...quickly I stumbled down the stairs to find G'pa having difficulty breathing and moaning. He didn't look good at all. I called 911 and the ambulance arrived 30 minutes later to take him to the hospital.

Me and G'ma went back to bed. It took me a good hour to get to sleep when I did I had a dream that g'pa died. Didn't sleep at all after that.

The hospital called at 9am to say they admitted G'pa for heart failure. G'ma and I left around noon and spent the afternoon with G'pa. He seemed to be doing better and the nurse said he was okay.

Did a few errands before driving back to the farm. G'ma is pretty tired. I went on a walk to think and pray and give all my worry to God. He is my fortress and strength and ever-present help in time of trouble.


Long, tiring day

My day was okay, but I think I'll have a good cry before I go to bed. I was startled awake by G'pa calling out at 6am this morning he was having difficulty breathing. I got my dad and he called the ER doctor who said if it worsened to bring him in. G'ma had an appointment later that morning so we were gonna have G'pa check out then.

After G'ma's appointment, they had a meeting with the lawyer. I slept in the car. Then they got out just in time for us to take dad to the bus and see him off. I had a hard time keeping my emotions under control after that the whole day. But I wasn't about to lose it then.

Took G'pa to the doctor and after waiting testing and waiting we left 2.5 hours felt longer then that. G'pa has bronchitis, where the lungs become inflamed from infection. And also congestive heart failure...but his heart has never been the same since his heart attack 13 years ago.

His legs were weak and it sounded like he was trying to catch his breath the whole day. We have an antibiotic and he seemed better once we got home.

I found myself praying alot today for alot of things. Why is it that when faced with trials we always turn to God for comfort, while when things are going fine we don't seem to give him a second thought?

Putting G'pa to bed tonight I asked if I could pray for him and he said that wound be nice. So I did.

I am going to sleep now, I'm to tired to cry. Thank you for your continuing prayers, I feel God is near and felt a peace after leaving the doctor.



Today was a quiet day. I think it was the first day since I got here that we didn't go anywhere! It has also been a full week since I have been here and I have so much to be thankful for!

Dad and G'pa were outside mostly doing odd jobs around the place. G'pa was out on the four-wheeler alot too! He seems to be doing better. G'ma said she didn't feel herself and blames them on the pills she has to take now since getting back from the hospital.

The day seemed to go by slowly until I started making supper...roasted tomato soup (and I must say it was very good!) Just before supper on of the neighbor came by. A very nice elderly bachelor wearing overalls. His name is Edgar and when I was introduced to him he said "pretty girl" and told my G'ma she had nice grandchildren!

He stayed for supper and when i served dessert, apple pie, he wonder why he got no cheese with it..."apple pie without cheese is like a kiss without a squeeze" He said his momma always ate her pie like that and that what she always said. As you can tell he is quite and interesting character and it was a good evening. G'pa always seems better when people come to visit.

After supper Leanna Havlik stopped by cause her husband had been vaccinating calfs by the barn ( the Havliks are the people who lease G'pa's land). Had a short visit with her.

Before bed G'ma had me set her hair in curlers. She told me that when I was little and she came out of the bathroom with a towel on her head after washing her hair...I put one on my head and walked around declaring that I was G'ma (I don't remember that!) Lol!

I do remember G'ma setting my hair in curlers when I was younger...and now I do it for her.

It is hard to imagine a week gone by already. I am happy G'ma is okay. She always reads her bible in the rocking chair before she goes to bed...I am to learn alot from her!


Grandma is home!!!

We headed to Mitchell this morning. One of G'pa's appointments was changed to today so we left early.

G'pa's doctor for this appointment was a 60-year-old very BIG man who grew up in Boston so he totally had the accent! It was cool!
G'ma was able to come home today so I am so glad everything is all right. I praise God and thank everyone for their prayers!
After supper I took Ellie on another four-wheeler run...

The Outhouse ;-)


Root Beer Floats and Needles

Today I overslept and woke up with a sore throat! Blah! Dad let the cat, Fuzzy, in to wake me up. She started licking my face...that got me up. She is a crazy cat, and I mean crazy. She'll claw your leg when your walking and try biting your hand when you pet her. She is no mean...just extremely playful!

I started cleaning up after breakfast and learned we were going to Chamberlain for one of G'pa's tests and to run a few other errands. Made G'pa a fried egg sandwich for dinner and we were off!

All went well and we took the back roads home. G'pa pointed out a farm to me and told me awhile ago that the guy that lived their was getting on in his years so he order a mail-order bride! I didn't know they still did that! I guess it went well cause the have a few kids! Lol.

When we got home G'pa had a root beer float...I guess it was a whole soda which he should only have half for his diabetes.

I began planning supper and went on a walk...relaxed on the hay bales for half an hour, picked some apples for a pie tonight, and some flowers for a vase on the window sill! :)

Just was warming up some leftover casserole for supper when G'pa took his blood sugar and it was high! Of course from that ice cream and root beer! So I got to give him and insulin shot for the first time. It went okay...had quite a time getting the air bubbles out and G'pa said he was more trouble then he was worth! Haha, I told him he wasn't then gave him the shot!

He is watching a football game now. I'm gonna finish my pie. Tomorrow we go to Mitchell to bring G'ma home!


First Sunday

I didn't want to get up today. I was tired! But I! We went to church. It was different for me. Not what I am used to at all. It is a Methodist church I think with a woman preacher.

After services we went to Ditty's Diner...I learned that it is a tradition every Sunday. I think that most of the congregation was there! Lol! It was fun I had a good time! It was great to talk with G'ma and G'pa's friends!

Afterwards we went on a drive around the country. And G'pa showed me some old farms. It amazes me how everyone knows most everybody and what has become of them!

We got home and I slept for the better part of the afternoon. Dad and G'pa watch a football game on TV.

Then drove to the hospital to visit G'ma for awhile. Got home a little late so just warmed up some leftovers for supper.


A somewhat busy day...

Today my dad left early for Mitchell to visit G'ma at the hospital. I was woken up by G'pa...he had the TV too loud! lol!

I had a very good morning! Ate breakfast and then spent awhile having my quiet time with God. I haven't been able to since we got here so it was very refreshing and encouraging. Gave me more energy.

The rest of the morning I took inventory of the food in the freezers. The one in the cellar is huge and old. I remember as a little girl being scared of the is a creepy place. Lots of cobwebs! I was fine now though! Went looking back at all my G'ma's canned food she still has some down there from before I was born!!! Next I did the inventory upstairs freezer. Then it was dinner time. I just warmed up leftovers cause it was just G'pa and me.

He sat in his easy chair most of the day. It was rainy and drizzling so it was kinda gloomy...G'pa doesn't like the lights on in the living room.

After dinner I began making supper just so it would be ready. As soon as my dad got home I was going to see my Aunts and cousins in Platte...40 minute drive away.

They doctors found out that it was a blood clot that cut of the circulation to her kidney. She will be home Monday or Tuesday! Praise God!

After having supper ready to just pop in the oven. I did a few chores then sat down to knit the blanket...I kinda got stuck...those patterns are hard to understand. I think I will wait until my Aunt Pat gets here. She'll be visiting in a month I think and she is a pro knitter.

After I gave up on knitting I tried not to fall asleep, but did for about 45 minutes. I guess during that time G'pa feed the cats and got the mail. I woke up and it was time for me to go. My dad got back so I was good to leave.

My Subaru didn't do so good on these gravel country roads, but its getting better, I can at least hit 60mph now.

I had a good evening having supper with my G'pa and G'ma Surat, aunts, uncles,and cousins. Then my cousins in highschool I watched play tag football!

Got home and dad had G'pa Young in bed and all was well. I set his coffee up for the morning and now it's time for me to hit the hay!


I love my grandpa

I woke up today at 9...G'pa had an appointment an attorney about the farm. So we left soon after...It is gonna be different having to leave an hour before an appointment because it takes forever to drive anywhere!

G'pa's hip bothers him so he always needs a back rub before bed. This morning he said i gave him a good one cause he didn't feel pain at all and was telling everyone too. :)

The time with the lawyer was interesting...there are alot of little towns around here that have old buildings that make up downtown. This lawyers office was one of these old buildings. With the simple title "Law Office" above the door. It was pretty old fashioned inside. My dad and the attorney talked about legal stuff and the farm. Me and G'pa quietly listened. When G'pa did talk he said that he was praying to God to let him die! He was no use anymore. I can see why he would feel that way...after being a farmer with so much to do to doing nothing. But I don't like it when he says that. It upsets me too much and I had quite a time controlling my tears! I just don't know what to say and i pray God will give the words to be encouraging.

They talked about other alternatives for care in the winter, because driving to the doctor in a blizzard would take a long time. G'pa said he views a nursing home as a place to die and that him and G'ma want to stay on the farm as long as possible! This made me feel that I want to stay with them as long as possible.

We then went to dinner at this espresso is a really cool place, i love it! Then went to the hospital for a few hours to see G'ma. See is doing better but the doctors are keeping her longer for more testing. I suppose it's for the best.

Drove home then it was time to make supper. G'pa says I am a good cook. I am glad to be able and practice!

After supper me and G'pa went on the four-wheeler to get corn and put out for the wild turkeys...he said there was 6 in the yard this morning. Drove around the field and scared a flock of pheasant, took out the garbage, and then took the Thule and my now tires out of my Subaru. I let G'pa help as much as he could. It wore him out though.

Had a nice rest of the evening working on knitting my blanket ( I kept Fuzzy outside so she wouldn't mess it up). I'm using hunter green and a lighter green. I think G'pa wants it when I am done cause he asked who it was for and I said i didn't know yet and he said that he could use it to keep him warm once it gets colder. So I guess it is his when I'm done!


G'ma is still in the hospital

Well, today seemed busy. After nine hours of lovely sleep the cat, Fuzzy, jumped on me and woke me up. The morning went slowly just had breakfast and got ready to go to the hospital. We took two cars because my aunt was going to go home after who found out how G’ma was doing. It is about an hour and a half drive to Mitchell where the hospital is. My dad and me found a suhweet espresso shop and I probably will be going there when I can!

G’pa took us to dinner again then him and my aunt went to the hospital. My dad and me went to meet up with my G’pa and G’ma Surat. That was fun! My G’pa Surat has got about 5,000 acres of land and six semi-trucks...maybe I'll get to drive one ;-)

Then went to see G'ma Young at the hospital. She seemed to be doing okay. hopefully the testing will get done so she can come home tomorrow. My aunt went home to MO. G'pa, my dad, and me then drove home.

I fed the animals and made supper.

I went out with the four-wheeler and took Ellie (the dog) for a run. I came upon a lot of pheasants...they are populated more then usual this year I guess. Not for long cause hunting season is in October!

Then me and G'pa Young watched The Cowboys with John Wayne..woohoo! My G'pa Surat really reminds me of John Wayne...he is so big, and his voice, and the big bear hugs that squeeze the life outta me!!! lol.

I bought a bunch of yarn today and am going to attempt to knit a blanket. That's hard with Fuzzy continuously grabbing my yarn!

First Day

Decided to keep this blog and write on it. I wrote this yesterday...

Well after a 20 hour drive I arrived at my grandparents farm this morning. The drive felt like it went pretty fast. When I pulled up to my Grandparents front door, I ran inside and hugged them both. It felt so good to see them. Grandpa had lost more weight since I had seen him last which was Christmas. Both looked like they had aged alot on the last 9 months.

I was shown my room for the time I would be staying and began making more comfortable.My Aunt made us dinner and my dad, grandpa and her sat down to eat, but grandma wasn't feeling well. She had stomach pain since the morning. After lunch my dad, my aunt, and me were in the kitchen when grandpa called us in and said grandma needed to be taken to the doctors. So my dad took her and we stayed home.

I went and took a nap, I was so tired. When I woke up it was supper time and my dad and grandma still weren't home. Grandpa said he was going to take us out for supper so we didn't make anything.

At the restaurant we got cheeseburgers and my dad began sending my messages on how grandma was doing. That's when grandpa said if he ever got that sick he hoped he would die. I pretty much started crying and asked him why and he said that there was no reason for him to stay. I told him yes, I needed him!

It turns out my grandma has circulation cut off from one of her kidneys so 50% of it is dead and that was causing pain. She will stay in the hospital tonight and should be alright, I pray.

Back at home (I will refer to the farm as home now since it will be for me until further notice) grandpa sat in his chair, which I learn occupies most of his time. My aunt then began showing me all I was to do...Prepare 3 meals a day, make sure grandpa takes all his medication, check his weight and if he is gaining be warry of fluid build-up in his lungs and check blood sugar and give insulin if needed, do daily chores, feed cats and dog, make sure both grandma and grandpa exercise, make 3 shakes for my night make sure all his pills are taken, set him on his oxygen, and rub his back and grandma's legs.

This along with taking them to doctors appointments, and checking his heart monitor, and changing the oxygen filter, etc.

This first day might have been overwhelming for some, but I feel a great peace and tremendous love for my grandparents. I want to be an encouragement to my grandpa especially...he is always making comment about dying and how I am taking care of him...I hope he can see I am truly happy to be here, because I am!

Right now I am in my room drinking tea and being very tired. Both my grandparents pretty much go to bed around 9pm and wake up at 8am. After my aunt leaves tomorrow and my dad next week I will be alone...please pray for me!
Will write more later...goodnight!


Summer is gone

Wow! it has been a super long time since I have posted last! should not let that happen again! My summer just flew by and I can't believe it is over. My last day at the pool is on Thursday. Then I'll be packing up to go to South Dakota for at least 2 months to take care of my grandparents on their farm. I can't wait to go, I'm very excited!!! Also I maybe a new owner of a Subaru and that is so amazing! No more driving a granny van!! I have learned allot this summer again and someday will share all that. Had lots of highlights in my life this summer to...went jet skiing and wake boarding for the first time ever, also went on a motorcycle to...and almost went skydiving! I coached swim team again and our team was undefeated for the season and won Championships!!!
Well I will have a lot of time to write more later, sorry for the short update.


Fading Feelings

Whisper in the night
Smile at the morning
All a glow and strong
The thoughts I had of you

A passing year gone
The sky is overcast
My once joyful song
Became a silent sigh

I see who you really are
A player of my heart
You become a lost memory
As my feelings fade away

Whisper in the night
Smile at the morning
The fog disappears
Clear skies meet my face


Well, today I did my ride time in the ambulance for the second time...I need to get five patients contacts and after today I need one more!
I have to say that the one that meant the most to me, or really has been stuck in my mind I should say, is the one today where we had to transport a cancer patient from the assistant living to the clinic for treatment. The reason she needs an ambulance is because it is extremely painful for her to sit up.
She has lung cancer and something else was wrong with her sacrum(there was a crack in it or something). Well anyways, she got lung cancer from second hand smoke(her husband and kids).
On the ride to the hospital she held me hand; it was nice for me to be able to be there for her.It was really good talking with her will we waited to get in for treatment. She and her husband have been married for 62 years and still very much in love(he came along with us). She talked about her grandkids and her great-grandkids who are my age!!!
Oh, and she likes John Wayne, which is suhweet! And we talked about some of his movies. She liked Cowboys which I haven't seen, but apparently he dies in it! :( We both like the Quiet Man!
After we took her back to her room she said good-bye to all of us and even remembered my name!
It was just a meanful experience for me along the rest of the people I was able to help today! ;)



"Love Song"
Sara Bareillies

Head under water
And they tell me to breathe easy for a while
The breathing gets harder, even I know that
You made room for me but it's too soon to see
If I'm happy in your hands

I'm unusually hard to hold on to
Blank stares at blank pages
No easy way to say this
You mean well, but you make this hard on me
I'm not gonna write you a love song
'cause you asked for it'cause you need one, you see

I'm not gonna write you a love song
'cause you tell me it's
Make or break in this
If you're on your way
I'm not gonna write you to stay
If all you have is leaving
I'm gonna need a better
Reason to write you a love song today

I learned the hard way
That they all say things you want to hear
And my heavy heart sinks deep down under you and
Your twisted words,
Your help just hurts
You are not what I thought you were
Hello to high and dry
Convinced me to please you
Made me think that I need this too
I'm trying to let you hear me as I am

I'm not gonna write you a love song
'cause you asked for it
'cause you need one, you see
I'm not gonna write you a love song
'cause you tell me it's
Make or break in this
If you're on your way
I'm not gonna write you to stay
If all you have is leaving
I'm gonna need a better
Reason to write you a love song today

Promise me that you'll leave the light on
To help me see with daylight, my guide, gone
'cause I believe there's a way you can love me
Because I say
I won't write you a love song
'cause you asked for it
'cause you need one, you see
I'm not gonna write you a love song
'cause you tell me it's make or break in this
Is that why you wanted a love song
'cause you asked for it'cause you need one, you see

I'm not gonna write you a love song
'cause you tell me it's make or break in this
If you're on your way
I'm not gonna write you to stay
If your heart is nowhere in it
I don't want it for a minute
Babe, I'll walk the seven seas when I believe that
There's a reason to
Write you a love song today


God is so awesome!

I'm feeling the love of Him tonight! Don't know what else to say except that I'm a little troubled about how a few things in my life are playing out right now, but for some reason I am not too worried about it.
God is so amazing how He works! I went up to my room tonight almost crying, then a small act of kindness was thrown my way and made me much more joyful.
Okay, gotta go study for my final tomorrow!


Jonathan is #1!!!!!

The birthday boy!

I love my football! OOOOOO!

HAHAHA! Funny face picture!


Uh oh, someone grabbed the cake!

That's what I'm talking about!!!!

DUDE!!! I love cake!!!! I can't believe my little brother is already a year! My, how time flys! He isn't walking yet, but he will be soon! If you can't see he's already got two teethers!!! and the dang cutest biggest blue eyes!!!



I'm so tired. . .

Today I found out that my dad might be getting laid off from his job. It hurts my heart so much to see my dad who is working so hard told that he isn't working hard enough. I feel some resentment towards them because they don't even give him a reasonable amount of days to finish the reports in the first place. They just expect a person to be a machine and have everything perfect in so little amount of time!?!?! It is so frustrating! They even told him that he wasn't doing a good job earlier in the fall, that made him work even harder and harder and get more and more stressed out.
I can't even begin to put into words how much I love my dad and all the hard work he does in providing for this family. I know I probably can never fully grasp the big responsibility guys have in providing for their loved ones.
I don't know what to do. It is sometimes hard to be the encouraging daughter to someone who becomes down and stressed, especially since I look up to him so much. I long and desire to help and be that loving encouragement, but am not sure how.
I've prayed so hard for so long and will continue doing so. I don't understand why this is happening again for the third time since we are living here, but I trust that God has something to teach us.
It hurts to see him so discouraged sometimes though, and I'm not really sure how to say anything.
One other thing happened today, it hurt my heart extremely and I cried, but God is so amazing...He lead me and showed me what to do, and it has been encouraging for me to know He will lead my family in this time of uncertainty.


an older song

So I need to start getting into the habit of posting again, until then her's an older thing I pulled out. I was looking through some of my songs and found this one which I wrote about two years ago. . .thought I'd share it.

This night is very cold and dark,
The stars seems so far off,
I always thought I would be okay,
But memories woun't go away,
So I break the silence with a sob,
And pray to God to take this from me.

He reasures me with his peace and directs me to wait on Him,
He tells me that although it's dark the sun will rise again. . .

I will look for the sunrise to break throught the dark,
And count the stars as they fade away,
My life has never seemed so like the sky before,
So I will look for the sunrise, I'll watch for the dawn.

The storms in my life have never seemed so painful,
The thunder and the lighting,
My trials and temptations,
My mind is cloudy my life seems gray,
I pray to God to take this from me.

The distressing thoughts keep coming back more then the stars it seems.
God cheers me up saying this will pass,
The sun will rise again. . .


How many dark souls are wandering aimlessly from day to day. . .

I'm surrounded by many people, so many that are lost from God's love. What can I do to shine His light into their lives? I pray the Lord convicts me! I am a mere sinful person, so short from becoming holy and pure in Jesus' eyes! May He forgive me of my fallings in life! I cannot even began to comprehend this life! Not even come close! There is so much or so little ahead of me! Alot of time or little time that is growing lesser by the hour! I do not know! Where am I going? Do I truly know? I need my precious Lord! May He be in my life and my head and my heart! I don't want to be forsaken! I don't want to turn away from Him! I have found the light of His unending love! But there is so many who haven't. How many dark souls are wandering aimlessly from day to day without the love of God in their hearts? Allow me to be a light my Jesus! This world is so unexpressiably evil! I see it more and more daily! How can I survive? May my life be Jesus! More and more I shall seek Him! I will spend each day with the love of my life. . .so even in hard times I will remain with Him. . .even when times come when He seems far away I will know the depth of His love for me! For He is the reason I am here! I long for the day when I can bring my Jesus joy daily by the hour, the second, in total and complete glorifying of Him, my Creator. . .may I even reach this point? It seems far off considering my lack of time and thoughts focusing upon Him! I do fall short, but am striving to please my Lord! May He take my dirty, blackened life. . .for only Jesus can purify and cleanse me! I humbly plea for the Spirit's discernment and conviction. May I began to see people the way God does, with total love and by the person they are from the inside.


you never know when you will make someone's day . . .

downcast eyes.
heavy spirit.
looking around.
deep breath.
recieve note.
words encourage.
heart sings.
soul smiles.

day brightens.


Note To Self

I know there will be times when:
  • you can't go any further; keep going!
  • you will think you can't do this anymore; keep thinking!
  • you will just want to give up; keep breathing!
  • it will seem you've done all you can do; keep working!
  • you know all else is lost; keep searching!
  • you are completely alone; keep loving!
  • it will feel like your soul is dying; keep believing!
  • you are in the dark: keep shining!
  • you have nothing else left; keep hoping!



I have strep throat. It is not cool. It is not fun. It hurts really, really bad! ARGH!!!


Umm...excuse me? Question?

How do you get scared half-to-death twice??????


it is a new year...

hey...can't sleep so thought I would write. I have been thinking on alot of things, so many things going through my head right now(that's probably why I can't because I had a latte at 11, haha).
I can blame it on the New Year, cause I am sure it makes alot of people think about the year that has past and the one that is beginning. So with that said I am just going to go off on alot of tangents and probably won't make any sense at all, but hey, it's 2 o'clock in the morning.

The Year That Has Past: this year has been pretty much amazing! 2007 was a BIG learning year with lots happening! It started out with my dog dying, but then I witness the amazing miracle of my baby brother being born, then praying hard when he was flow to the Children's Hospital. That was January and February. March through May were pretty okay. I went through the process of restoring a friendship and getting over the hurt of another relationship. Summer was the best!!! Coaching swim team and working at the pool. Going on some awesome hikes which I am going to do alot more off this year. During and after summer was when God was teaching me contentment. And in one situation I learned the hard way that I should have listened to when He was telling me what I should do. Before school started in September I went through a really hard time of feeling insignificant, but alas another learning time for me. Then ending the quarter and going into winter break went pretty smoothly. Around Christmas was the scare with my Grandpa, which by the way he is doing well and has 5-6 more years. Let me tell you though, driving 22 hours there then 3 days later doing it again it pretty j/k...but I enjoy driving and had alot of time to think and pray while I did. To end with God has blessed me with soooooo many new amazing friends that i thank Him for everyday!!!

The Year That Is Beginning: so 2008 is planned out in my book (but not GOD's) until fall. I will finish my AA degree and become certified as an EMT(if all goes as planned) work at the pool again in the summer. Hike alot and alot and alot!!! then I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT! I have thought on a few options though...a year at bible college, take a career as an EMT, or go overseas with Orphans Hope! Now i can say that I am not worrying about it...alot can happen in a year and it can be nothing I expect. I know that (and have learned the hard way at some points) that if I just trust Jesus with every aspect and detail of my life...He will take care of the rest. I trust His leadership in my life and I realize the big decisions coming up in my life and how important the next couple of years will be.

otay, otay...sorry thats enough...I think I have bored you, just wanted to share! Well, I think that either the latte is wearing off or some of my thoughts are now written down so my head ain't spinnin' no more, which ever it is I am going to sleep now!Goodnight! :-)