Set your mind on things above, not on the things that are on earth. For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God.


The Farm

From here go east on I-90 until you cross the state line into South Dakota. Take Exit 289 and head north about 12 miles. Turn west and go 1.5 miles then head north again on 365 Avenue. Go a little over 4 miles until you reach 240th Street then turn west onto the driveway. And there you will find where I left part of my heart.
Not to sound sentimental, but I left my heart in South Dakota. No not to some animal, or activity, not even with a boy. I left it with a little over 1,000 acres of land about 14 miles north of Kimball, SD. That farm has been in some of my first memories as a child. It became even more meaningful to me when I lived there for almost a year. Maybe I am sounding sentimental, but I don't care!
I realize that there is so much of my family history in that land and that is why I could see how come Grandpa wanted to stay on the farm for as long as he could. For me, that piece of land became my sanctuary. I can't count how many times I was outside on my own, just me and God. I watched the first rays of light greet the sky in the morning. I lay out in the field gazing at the stars and feeling ever so small. My favorite was the sunsets! The sky became a canvas for God to paint every evening. It was those moments that most spoke to me. Can't describe it, you gotta go there yourself.
Oh how I miss the farm. And how empty it seemed when I was last there after the grandparents, no animals, no things that would show any activity...but it was at sunset that I took one last walk around and nothing had changed, the land was the same, it will always be the same.
Driving around I would see old farm houses deteriorating, crumbling. It hurts my heart to think that that farm will become another abandoned  stead someday...but the land will stay the same...and there will still be a sunsets every evening.
I hear my "dear land calling." For I left my heart in South Dakota.

South Dakota Sunset by Badger Clark

A woman stood at her cottage door
And a traveler passed that way.
He was weary and dusty and tired of it all,
So he stopped, and she asked him to stay.

"Why do you choose this place to live?
This dusty, desolate spot
Where the sun beats down relentlessly
And the wind, when it blows, is so hot?

"The woman spoke, and her voice was low
And her eyes looked far away.
"Have you seen it when it's white with snow
On a crisp, bright winter's day?

Or when the trees are full of buds,
Or autumn leaves are falling?
These things we South Dakotans love,
For we hear our dear land calling."

Then she turned her eyes toward the west
Where a sunset swept the sky.
The traveler looked at the glorious sight
And no longer wondered why.


2 weeks of rain

This is the second week we've had crappy weather :P ...Daniel and I had a hike planned up Ingalls Creek, the trail head isn't far from our house and never hiked it! Yeah, planned it 2 weeks ago then it started raining off and on since then! I haven't seen the sun in forever!...but that is good because the river will fill up and the rapids will be awesome for the white water rafting trip I won in a raffle on Tuesday. A free trip for 8 people, a $500 dollar value!
Yeah on Tuesday Marika and I went to the Hope Project kickoff celebration as Plain, WA adopted Gardnersville, Liberia, as its very own sister city! It was so cool to see this local community make a change 7,000 miles away! I found out that the top 10 poorest countries in the world are in Africa and Liberia is third on the list. Haiti isn't even on that top 10 list, it's just is in our hemisphere! I decided to donate a small amount every month, it's not much, but it's what I can afford at this time. Another thing which was cool is that they weren't pressure for money either, just the way they presented it was beautiful in the way that showed their heart to really help this other country however they could. They support a school over there and may make some trips in the future, but only if there is still a school to go to. I'm so blessed to be a part of this organization :)
I'm going to Seattle for this week and I'm excited! I wasn't going to go unless I cleaned my room so I finished it yesterday! Woohoo!

A good improvement I think! tehe :) Tonight is Beccah's 16th birthday bash! I'm in charge of I gotta go plan! Peace.


I love the way your eyes crinkle at the corners when you smile.

the story


"I used to feel so alone in the city. All those gazillions of people and then me, on the outside. Because how do you meet a new person? I was very stumped by this for many years. And then I realized, you just say, “Hi.” They may ignore you. Or you may marry them. And that possibility is worth that one word."

"Think about all the things you need to trust about someone you are in a relationship with. You need to trust he will be there if you have a bad day; you need to trust he will keep your secrets; you need to trust he will treat you with respect, both during the relationship and after. Those are all big things. If you don’t trust him with the tiny little things–working late on a co-ed group project in the library–how will you trust him with the big things?"

"Maybe I could have loved you better
Maybe you should have loved me more
Maybe our hearts were just next in line
Maybe everything breaks sometime
Everything breaks sometimes."



How is it I can be so completely oblivious. Guess it's true that most times we generally don't see what is right in front of us...or maybe I was intentionally avoiding it because I didn't think there would be anyway it would be true. Do I want it to be true? Argh...


life right now

It's almost my favorite time of year...summer! Hiking. swimming, hanging out, lovely summer evenings...! June 14th swim team starts! :D I got hired as the head coach for Cashmere :O yeah...Leavenworth didn't want me back, but I'll show them...Cashmere will  kick butt!!! haha!! I'm really excited for this season, it will be different then the last 3 years of my coaching experience since I was only asst. coach then and this team is smaller with more practice time so I can make them amazing swimmers ;)
Also, it looks like, God-willing, I will be in South Africa next year!!!! :D I've been in contact with Lambano Sanctuary which is an organization that helps HIV positive orphans. I've found out about them through a friend's friend, but the funny thing is after awhile I remembered that our girls bible study like 5 years ago did a fundraiser for them! God is good :) They have requested if I would be a homework teacher, where I would help the kids with school in the afternoons. In the mornings I would work with the hospice children. I think at first I was hesitant...I procrastinated in answering because I was "praying" about it. Just trying not to get me hopes up...I've had this desire in my heart for soooooo long that the thought of it coming true unsettled me because I didn't wanna hope only disappointed. But you know what? I realized that I can pursue this with all I got and if it isn't the right time or place God will close the here I go. I trust Him! Also another thing I life doesn't start once I get to Africa, it is here right now and I need to use each day for the furthering of His Kingdom. At first I think that I was just waiting to go to Africa to actually start living my life and doing what God wants me to...but He has a work for me here right now. I'm still excited for Africa though!!!!


Follow Me

And when He had spoken this, He said to him, “Follow Me.” John 21:19b.

Jesus had just told Peter that his death would glorify God although it would be a terrible death to die...Peter "willingly stretched out his hands to be bound, as Christ's hands were bound, and glorif[ied] God by his devoted love to Jesus, even by death."

Will I follow Jesus no matters where the road ends? Yes.

Let The Waters Rise
There's a raging sea
Right in front of me
Wants to pull me in
Bring me to my knees
So let the waters rise
If You want them to
I will follow You
I will follow You
I will follow You


In the conclusion of my study of the book of John this year through B.S.F. (Bible Study Fellowship International) I have found that I have really related to Peter especially regarding the last several chapters. Reflecting on how the last half of this study, it is incredible how I would learn a truth almost every week! There would be something I would be dealing with in my personal and spiritual life and it would be addressed in the reading of the gospel of John. God is so amazing! Right now I think of Peter...and how after he denied Christ and Jesus looked at him in love, he went a wept tears of repentance and healing...I did not realize that after Jesus had risen He appeared privately to Peter to "restore and him and reinstate him in fellowship before appearing to the assembled group." It just really touched my heart to see the Lord's deep concern and love for His heartbroken disciple. Just another realization to me that Christ knows I will mess up, but He still loves me :'-) The final chapter of John finds the disciples fishing and Jesus on the shore. As soon as the disciples recognized who it was, Peter reacted immediately and jumped into the water to swim to His Savior...the time I read this, I got a picture in my head of rushing to be with Jesus...hmmm I can't wait! Finally Jesus ask Peter if he loves Him and to feed His sheep. This scene secures Peter as  leader. Peter humbles himself as tells Jesus that He know his heart....the Lord know my heart...He wants a humble and contrite spirit that trembles at God's Word.


Every Woman Must Go Through Her Gethsemane Alone

Awhile ago a friend asked me these questions..."Have you ever had to face something that was hindering you from living? Have you ever had to come face to face with something knowing although it's going to be beyond your own strength to handle, it was the right thin to do? Have you ever had to face your own Calvary, Rachel dear?"
Those questions have been in the back of my mind and I wrestled with them a few weeks ago when I had a break through with myself concerning a few issues I was dealing with in my life...I thought I was I'm not....then I came across this article today. I have to agree that wrestling it out alone gives me so much more direction, but alas, I put it off and continue to out off...I'm letting the devil win when I let it happen. Maybe I'm just reluctant to find out what God will say!? I don't know. He has never failed me before when I have fallen before Him vulnerable and weak...but still I don't what to do it.
The shadow is returning...I thought I had gotten rid of it. I talked to my mom about it how I was feeling....just everything with weddings, marriage, and if I see a couple walking together, a new baby, go to a wedding or bridal shower, hearing another person who got engaged, or someone just got a new boyfriend...even in movies....I just don't/didn't feel happy about it. And I have begun to think that God doesn't have anyone out there for me, that he wants me to be single. and I don't want to have to deal with the kind of challenges that a marriage brings...if I stay out of relationships I won't get hurt, I won't hurt the other person...anyways mom said I was subconciously having the feeling of resentment towards weddings etc because all my friends are getting married etc, I honestly, really don't think it was bothering me, but apparently I was just blocking it and then that created feelings like there isn't anyone God has for me....yeah makes sense...I guess...I just need time...I told my dad that if any guy asks him to go out with me to tell them that I needed time, like the rest of this year, and if they were still interested to come back later...and I don't want him to tell me that either, I just need time, to be ready. But I still have these feeling of resentment, for lack of a better word, towards relationship and marriage. I can't get rid of I need some time alone, not just the usual time I spend alone to try ans escape...I need to be alone with God again and cry out to Him, Only He can heal me, He did last time so why am I so hesitant to go to Him this time...


I'm falling and can't stop...

"I want to swim away but don't know how
Sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean"
~Blue October

It's pulling me down and I can't make it stop. What is it though...I don't know...I just want it all to stop. Jesus when will You come back? I've never felt more homesick for heaven. There is a feeling deep in the pit of my is unsettling and aimless. It's a shadow. If only I could grasp it, get ahold of it...I could make it stop. I don't feel lonely, this is actually a time I feel close to my Jesus. Is the shadow of God or Satan? Is God trying to tell me something or is Satan trying to get a trap set for me? I can't discern it...


I'm a dinosaur RAWR!

I'm watching the tv show I Love Lucy. I really like that show tehe. It makes me laugh :) It's my Grandmas favorite also. This weekend has been really weird. Not in the way of things that have happened, but in my's spinning, it's confused...something is bugging me and I can't figure it out. I feel like if I sit down and have a good cry it'll make it better, but I can't seem to cry...I've watched the saddest movies I could think of and...nope, not a tear. I think God is trying to get my attention and I don't wanna listen...I don't know but instead of figure it out now I'm just gonna blog....
Well, it was Apple Blossom festival this week and yesterday I took Angela, James, Benjamin, and Jonathan to the parade. I haven't been to it since mom and dad took us to it when we moved yeah it'd been awhile, but it's not the same, they don't throw candy anymore :( the sun was hot and it was really windy...the kids got a little red :S we were sitting on the sidewalk and there were these 3 younger 5 or 6 years old sitting in their little lawn chairs...anyways when a bunch of Hispanics rode by on their horses and the girls were leaning over and were like.."oh that one is a boy" and then the next horse..."that is a boy too" hehe I thought that was kinda comical :P another thing, when the clowns came walking by I overheard this mom commanding her son to go over and shake the clowns hand so she could take a picture...the little kid didn't want to, can't blame him, clowns are scary!!! :O but she insisted so he would take a step towards the clown then look back at his mom demanding him to go, he was so hesitant that the clowns passed and he didn't shake his hand...his mom like flipped out at him and was like "you can't think, just do it!" poor little kid...then I was like wow I don't think that is very good parenting to tell your kids to just go and do it and not think, but what do I know lol. So after the parade I got the kids some snow cones (garsh I sound like a mom ahaha). So after church we went to Olive Garden to celebrate Daniel and Kristen's ad been quite awhile since we were all in one place as a whole family so twas really really nice :)
Well I decided that I'm not a dinosaur. Jenny says I'd make a puny dino and I suppose I'm not that I'm a sunflower for the time being....gnight! I'm gonna go and try to find some sleep...hopefully. Goodnight Lucy!