Set your mind on things above, not on the things that are on earth. For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God.


Promise of a Lifetime

Will You help me fall apart
Pick me up, take me in Your arms
Find my way back from the storm
And You show me how to grow
Through the change


(how true this applies to my life this last month)


I can't believe I have already been home for a week and a half! I've been having such a great time though! It is a little hard for me to think that I will be back in SD I won't think about it.
It already Christmas! It is weird because last year I was in SD at this time and mow it is the opposite. I find myself saying Yes I go back 'home' January 5th. But SD is not my home. The first week I was home in WA I didn't want to go back to SD at all, I think because of all that had happened when i left. But now I do want to return, idk why. I love it here and don't think I could ever live in SD. I am thinking that I will drive here to WA once the snow is melted, but what will I do? I have a summer job for sure, but no plan til then. I have been praying about doing reliv, but I don't' have enough money right now.
I have so much running through my head.
I have forgiven the people that hurt me in SD. It was such an amazing feeling when it happened. Sunday night at church, they were talking about Jesus coming as the Light and then how we are now to be a light for Him. And I just thought I'm not really being a light if I don't forgive them. I hadn't really been angry at them, just hurt. I didn't realize that I needed to forgive them. But I still hurts though, but the pain will go away with prayer and time, it has before.

God, what do you have for me in these next few months? Be near me.


You find out who your friends are...

...this phrase has been becoming more true to me. Especially after what happened in SD. People I thought were my friends and I thought I could trust, but really didn't love me. My friends here at home have been so accepting and loving me no matter what. My true friends understand human nature and that we all fall short, we all sin and mess up. But God grace and forgiveness is amazing! And He continues to bless me with that and never fails to amaze me with my amazing friends and family. I can't stop getting over how loved I am! By God, my family and friends will always love me no matter what! And someday, I hope, to meet some special guy who will too :)


Wow, I am so overwhelmingly full of joy to be home! On Friday me and my cousin Samantha drove over to Sioux Falls to stay the night since I had an early flight. I didn't sleep a wink. we didn't get to bed until almost 2 and had to get up at 5. I was so excited to go home and nervous about flying that didn't sleep well.
I hate flying. The last time I did was 3 or 4 years ago. So I kinda had forgotten, but I know I don't like it! I had to get n 3 planes on Saturday to get home. It was stressful and it got worse for my last fl light from Seattle to Wenatchee. It was this small I was like already freaking out! I talked to m parents when I could throughout the day I knew that they and my friends were praying for me. My dad told me they served complimentary wine on this last flight and to have some to relax me. So I did and was doing better. We were seriously almost to Wenatchee when the pilot's voice spoke over the loudspeaker and said we were turning around to go back to Seattle. The landing gear door had open and slammed shut during our flight and that was abnormal. Everything else was fine, but as a safety precaution it would be better to land on a longer runway that wasn't covered with snow so we turned back. I almost lost it there, so close to home and I was fading fast from all the stress of flying! I hate it. Got on another plane and I just sat the whole way with my eyes closed and didn't open them until we landed!
My welcoming party consisted of all my 8 wonderful siblings and 3 of my other friends! I was so overwhelmed with emotion I was like shaking for a full 3 minutes and had to sit down! I was home! And my wonderful family was waiting for me to get home...had to a little longer because of the plane turning back.
Went to church this morning then got went and cut down our Christmas tree! It is the sweetest tree ever. I found it and it was exactly what I pictured! Perfect. It is a little taller then me and the branches are nice and even,y distributed all around it...i love it!
I am so happy to be home!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It really feel like I never left! It will be hard to leave again in 3 weeks, but I don't want to think about and will make the most of every minute I have while here!
It also helps me alot to be home after everything that happened with people in SD. I have amazing friends here who love me and are so understanding, I can trust them!
I have to do a little work with my relationship with Kristen though...there has been a little drifting apart since i've been gone.
Okay I am going to sleep now...plan to bake an apple pie tomorrow :)


from a dream to a nightmare

it has only been a week, and things have kept building up and got worse. Tell had a date two days ago and then the other night friends I thought were my friends...well lets just say they weren't. What hurts the most is that Tell believes the lies about me even though i told him the truth. Why are people believing an unbeliever. They don't even know that why? Can't they see Jesus in me? I haven't even tried to say anything because I'm sure it will just make it worse and people will turn what i say into more stories.
The pain became almost more then I could bear the other night. Not because I care what they think because I don't. I know what happen, God knows what happened and my parents know what happened. Most importantly God...He knows my heart. It hurts because of what they did, behind my back like they planned it, not Tell, but the two other people I called friends. This world is so evil. I felt sorry for them because they are lost and can't see their sin, but now I don't even care. I'm not mad or angry at them, just so hurt that i don't what to take it any more.
Psalm 27 pretty much became my life that night. I felt so alone because i basically have been. There is no one the talk to about this out here. Except God. And it is hard to talk on the phone because this hurts so much i need to be with the person. Only my parents and my mentor and my mom's friend know what really happened and have been encouraging to me. Praying for me. i don't know what i would do with out them. When I get home I plan to tell two more people who mean alot to me. Meeka and Dewie, but other then that this is a hurt that I feel only I can fully bear.
I keep thinking and praying and hurting. God is more concerned about my character then my comfort. He seems to be telling me "I know this hurts, but it needs to happen to get you where you need to be."
This has been the most thing that has hurt in my life now. What happened 4 years ago can't even begin to compare and I thought that was painful!
I try not to think back to oh i should of not done this or that or whatever, but i has happened and i can't wish it away. Only look for what God is teaching me rather then why this is happening.

Hebrews 4: 14-16

"Since then we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weakness, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need."

God is great and awesome, and I don't know how I would survive without Him. How can anybody?


Me and God

Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone,
To have a deep soul relationship with another,
To be loved thoroughly and exclusively.
But God, to a Christian, says,
“No, not until you are satisfied, fulfilled and content
With being loved by Me alone,
With giving yourself totally and unreservedly to Me,
With having an intensely personal and unique relationship with Me alone.
Discovering that only in Me is your satisfaction to be found,
Will you be capable of the perfect human relationship
That I have planned for you.
You will never be united with another until you are united
With Me alone,
Exclusive of anyone or anything else,
Exclusive of any other desires or longings.

I want you to stop planning,
Stop wishing,
And allow Me to give you the most thrilling plan existing,
One that you cannot imagine.
Please allow Me to bring it to you.
You just keep watching Me, expecting the greatest things.
Keep experiencing the satisfaction that I AM.
Keep listening and learning the things I tell you.
You just wait.
That’s all.
Don’t be anxious.
Don’t worry.
Don’t look at the things you think you want;
You just keep looking off and away up to Me,
And then when you are ready,
I’ll surprise you with a love far more wonderful than any you could dream of.
You see, until you are ready and until
The one I have for you is ready
(I am working even at this moment to have you both ready at the same time),
Until you are both satisfied exclusively with Me
And the life I prepared for you,
You won’t be able to experience the love that
Exemplified your relationship with Me.
And this is perfect love.

And dear one, I want you to have this most wonderful love,
I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your
Relationship with Me.
And to enjoy materially and concretely
The everlasting union of beauty, perfection and love
That I offer you with Myself.
Know that I love you utterly.
I AM God.
Believe it and be satisfied.

- St. Anthony of Padua

12.07.2008 now feels like it was just a dream...

hmmm...i'm single now and the events that lead up to that were painful and I would wish them away but, that can't happen.
But Christ's death on the cross has been oh so much more meaningful to me now more then ever! He died for me and made me a new creation! By His blood He washed me and cleansed me! I am forgiven.
I must say that I've learned so much from my time here in SD. But I can't wait to get home for Christmas!!!
The funny thing about the last couple months with Tell...feels like it didn't even happen, like it was just a I never met him and I've just always only been here...with Gma and Gpa. I don't regret anything that happen with him, but I will miss him for a time.
I took a chance, lesson learned.