it has only been a week, and things have kept building up and got worse. Tell had a date two days ago and then the other night friends I thought were my friends...well lets just say they weren't. What hurts the most is that Tell believes the lies about me even though i told him the truth. Why are people believing an unbeliever. They don't even know me...is that why? Can't they see Jesus in me? I haven't even tried to say anything because I'm sure it will just make it worse and people will turn what i say into more stories.
The pain became almost more then I could bear the other night. Not because I care what they think because I don't. I know what happen, God knows what happened and my parents know what happened. Most importantly God...He knows my heart. It hurts because of what they did, behind my back like they planned it, not Tell, but the two other people I called friends. This world is so evil. I felt sorry for them because they are lost and can't see their sin, but now I don't even care. I'm not mad or angry at them, just so hurt that i don't what to take it any more.
Psalm 27 pretty much became my life that night. I felt so alone because i basically have been. There is no one the talk to about this out here. Except God. And it is hard to talk on the phone because this hurts so much i need to be with the person. Only my parents and my mentor and my mom's friend know what really happened and have been encouraging to me. Praying for me. i don't know what i would do with out them. When I get home I plan to tell two more people who mean alot to me. Meeka and Dewie, but other then that this is a hurt that I feel only I can fully bear.
I keep thinking and praying and hurting. God is more concerned about my character then my comfort. He seems to be telling me "I know this hurts, but it needs to happen to get you where you need to be."
This has been the most thing that has hurt in my life now. What happened 4 years ago can't even begin to compare and I thought that was painful!
I try not to think back to oh i should of not done this or that or whatever, but i has happened and i can't wish it away. Only look for what God is teaching me rather then why this is happening.
Hebrews 4: 14-16
"Since then we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weakness, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need."
God is great and awesome, and I don't know how I would survive without Him. How can anybody?