DUDE!!! I love cake!!!! I can't believe my little brother is already a year! My, how time flys! He isn't walking yet, but he will be soon! If you can't see he's already got two teethers!!! and the dang cutest biggest blue eyes!!!
Today I found out that my dad might be getting laid off from his job. It hurts my heart so much to see my dad who is working so hard told that he isn't working hard enough. I feel some resentment towards them because they don't even give him a reasonable amount of days to finish the reports in the first place. They just expect a person to be a machine and have everything perfect in so little amount of time!?!?! It is so frustrating! They even told him that he wasn't doing a good job earlier in the fall, that made him work even harder and harder and get more and more stressed out.
I can't even begin to put into words how much I love my dad and all the hard work he does in providing for this family. I know I probably can never fully grasp the big responsibility guys have in providing for their loved ones.
I don't know what to do. It is sometimes hard to be the encouraging daughter to someone who becomes down and stressed, especially since I look up to him so much. I long and desire to help and be that loving encouragement, but am not sure how.
I've prayed so hard for so long and will continue doing so. I don't understand why this is happening again for the third time since we are living here, but I trust that God has something to teach us.
It hurts to see him so discouraged sometimes though, and I'm not really sure how to say anything.
One other thing happened today, it hurt my heart extremely and I cried, but God is so amazing...He lead me and showed me what to do, and it has been encouraging for me to know He will lead my family in this time of uncertainty.
So I need to start getting into the habit of posting again, until then her's an older thing I pulled out. I was looking through some of my songs and found this one which I wrote about two years ago. . .thought I'd share it.
This night is very cold and dark,
The stars seems so far off,
I always thought I would be okay,
But memories woun't go away,
So I break the silence with a sob,
And pray to God to take this from me.
He reasures me with his peace and directs me to wait on Him,
He tells me that although it's dark the sun will rise again. . .
I will look for the sunrise to break throught the dark, And count the stars as they fade away, My life has never seemed so like the sky before, So I will look for the sunrise, I'll watch for the dawn.
The storms in my life have never seemed so painful,
The thunder and the lighting,
My trials and temptations,
My mind is cloudy my life seems gray,
I pray to God to take this from me.
The distressing thoughts keep coming back more then the stars it seems.
God cheers me up saying this will pass,
The sun will rise again. . .
I'm surrounded by many people, so many that are lost from God's love. What can I do to shine His light into their lives? I pray the Lord convicts me! I am a mere sinful person, so short from becoming holy and pure in Jesus' eyes! May He forgive me of my fallings in life! I cannot even began to comprehend this life! Not even come close! There is so much or so little ahead of me! Alot of time or little time that is growing lesser by the hour! I do not know! Where am I going? Do I truly know? I need my precious Lord! May He be in my life and my head and my heart! I don't want to be forsaken! I don't want to turn away from Him! I have found the light of His unending love! But there is so many who haven't. How many dark souls are wandering aimlessly from day to day without the love of God in their hearts? Allow me to be a light my Jesus! This world is so unexpressiably evil! I see it more and more daily! How can I survive? May my life be Jesus! More and more I shall seek Him! I will spend each day with the love of my life. . .so even in hard times I will remain with Him. . .even when times come when He seems far away I will know the depth of His love for me! For He is the reason I am here! I long for the day when I can bring my Jesus joy daily by the hour, the second, in total and complete glorifying of Him, my Creator. . .may I even reach this point? It seems far off considering my lack of time and thoughts focusing upon Him! I do fall short, but am striving to please my Lord! May He take my dirty, blackened life. . .for only Jesus can purify and cleanse me! I humbly plea for the Spirit's discernment and conviction. May I began to see people the way God does, with total love and by the person they are from the inside.