Set your mind on things above, not on the things that are on earth. For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God.



I'm now sitting here listening/watching the bluegrass music show that my grandparents watch every Saturday evening.
Today was a not so good day, I may even go as far to say it was terrible, which is a quite a stretch for me. Nothing went how I planned at all, even my second plan and my third plan. But I totally got a knock in the head from it.

"For I know the plans I have for you..."

To start the day off, I usually drive to Mitchell in the morning for my Reliv training...well it was cancelled, but I was still going to take the day for myself because I usually get my Saturday since I go to the meeting. So I was planning to leave about the same time 8:30am and go to a coffee shop to read my bible, do some journaling, and finish a letter to my sister. Then meet up with one of my friends to discuss some bible question before he went to work. Then I was planning o go lap swimming as usual and maybe go to a movie. Also, my plan was to shop some new shoes. But my plan totally got changed when I went out into the freeing morning to start my car and get it warmed wouldn't start. I called my dad (6:30am his time, oops, sorry dad) and he said to get a heater, but we didn't have one so then to try starter fluid on the carburetor, that didn't work either. My car would turn over, but it just wouldn't start. I waited an hour for it to get warmer outside and tied again with no avail. So, Gma and Gpa said i could take their car, yay! But that plan didn't work either. I couldn't even get out of the driveway because their car it only two-wheel drive and we had like 6 inches of fresh snow on the ground. So I spend half an hour shoveling to drive to get the car back into the garage.

"...plans to prosper you and not to harm you..." I planned to wait until the afternoon and it would probably start then. I would still at least have an afternoon for a swim and a movie. That dang car still would not started. I was desperate to go. (You may think I am being selfish for wanting to get away. I always look forward to my Saturdays after being on the farm the whole week. People think that its so honorable of me for taking care of my grandparents, but it is hard you guys, in many different ways then one, but that is another post for another time.) Well my car finally started at 3:30pm. yay! But wait, this was not part of my plan...the check engine light wouldn't go off. Dang it! I called my dad and he said to shut off the car right away cuz if something was wrong with the engine it would ruin it. I had had it running for 15 minutes already to get the battery charged up a bit. So I had to wait for it to cool off again before I could check the oil and the radiator, etc. to try to figure out what was wrong, but everything checked out good. My dad said I shouldn't drive it until we make sure what it wrong. We called a mechanic and he said to put it in the garage and let it warm up and the light might go off. So I waited another hour and my final plan was to hope the light would go off and then I would drive to town and go bowling with some friends. It didn't go off.

"...plans to give you hope and a future." I sit listening/watching this bluegrass show instead of in town having fun with the plan I had. God totally gave me a knock in the head though...while I was struggling, absolutely determined to have my way, some way. And I never got it. Although this was just one day and seems not such a big deal it really taught me a lesson. First of all my plans for the next few months and this summer had been so set to me, but things have been coming up that they might change. So just this one little instance really hit me and I realize that no matter how carefully I plan, it can change and might not be what I want or expect. I guess I always knew this, but it was good to be reminded even thought it was a bit of a struggle. Wow, God, You are forever faithful!


Texas Trip

Hey ya'll!!! :D So I got back from Texas on Sunday! That made 19 states visited, only 31 to go before I die! lol! I went there for a business conference for Reliv and it was amazing!!!

My Aunt Peggy got here on Wednesday to stay with my Gparents. I left Thursday morning a little earlier cuz my other Gma had surgery the day before so I went to see her in the hospital. My Gpa was there and she wasn't doing very good. Before I left I asked if I could pray for her and she said yes. So I did. You must realize how awesome that is! These Gparents are not believers. My Gpa always says what he is thinking and sometimes it is not very nice. He has made me cry quite a few times when I was younger lol. I've gotten used to it now since I'm older, but anyways, me being able to pray aloud for Gma in front of him just shows me how much I have grown closer to my Lord and Savior. After I said "amen" Gma weakly said thank you, and then i looked up expecting some kind of comment for my Gpa...but he said nothing and the look on his face I can't really explain. Praise God! May He continue working on my Gpa me it'll be alot of work, but nothing is impossible with God!!!

So I met up with 3 other people to fly down to Texas. I really dislike flying. I'm fine once we get up in the's just the landing and the taking off that really gets to me. So, we landed in Fort Worth, TX about 8pm only to discover that the person who we were renting a van with to drive to the convention center was stuck in Omaha, Nebraska until the next morning due to an overbooked flight. And we couldn't get the van because it was in her name and we couldn't change it. So, it looked like we might of had to get a taxi, which would easily of been 75+ dollars! But God is awesome and another person who we met up with had been in contact with a man who had a shuttle with 2 other people. I had no idea what was going on, I was just following everyone else! lol. Well, when we walked up to the shuttle. Someone stuck there head out the door and it was another Reliv person from SD who went to the meeting in Sioux Falls. It was funny cuz he didn't know it was us and we didn't know that they had the van! God is awesome!

Missed the beginning of the conference cuz i flight got in late, but i still went to the end and met up with my parents!!!! Yay! And a couple who moved to TX from WA last summer. Courtney is kinda like my mentor so it was so good to see her! My parents and them and me walked around downtown Fort Worth and through the water fall gardens. It was so cool! They had this one water fall were you could walk on stones all the way down. It's kinda hard to describe and i didn't get any picture either cuz it was dark :( but it was cool! I was starving so after my parents and I went back to the hotel me and my dad went to get food. It was like 1am so basically everything was closed except bars. SO we went to this english pub and my dad got a beer and I got an amazing sandwich that was made with a giant Bavarian pretzel was good. And I had this wine that was gross, cuz I think they watered it down or something :S

Friday we had conference all day, which was amazing! I learned alot and met so many awesome people! I also learned more about the Kalogris Foundation ( which is the heart of Reliv. It is my great desire to really get involved with it! We went to a Cajun restaurant after and i got shrimp, it was good. Also got to try fried pickles which I guess is a specialty in TX, they were interesting! Afterwards we did a little more networking then I went to starbucks and got a java chip frap and a double chocolate cupcake...yum! I got my chocolate fix :D We went back to the hotel and did some more networking then i went to bed! so tired!

Saturday! Happy Valentines Day!!! Conference ended in the afternoon, then I met Courtney at Starbucks and we talked, it was good! Then me and Nicole (a girl around my age, who flew with me and lives in SD) met up with some other people are age and went to Billy Bob's-The World;s Largest Honky Tonk! Lol. got food and then did some dancing! Most of the young people we were with were from Montana! So they were excellent swing dancers! It was soooooooo fun! I love dancing! :D One of the couples we were with were amazing dancers...and the thing that made it even more cool was that before Reliv the girl would of been in a wheel chair by the time she was 30, so it was even cooler to see her dancing with her husband, pain free. Went back to meet my parents at the hotel then we and some friends went out for a glass of wine which was way better then the stuff I had on Thursday! Got only 3 hours of sleep then...

Sunday was fly back to SD! :S I made it alive. When we got back to Mitchell I went and spent the afternoon with my other gma in the hospital. She was doing so much better! She got to go home the afternoon! I went to church early before college study and played the piano for awhile then read. God was really working on my heart about something that night, but that is another post for another time.


cease to be awake........NOW!

okay so the last 5 days I've only had like 17 hours of sleep, way less then half of what I'm used to...and the crazy thing is I'm not tired! I don't know why I can't sleep either. Too much in my head. I have never ever had trouble sleeping! I don't get it! :S But I hoping to get a goodnights rest tonight! So.....night!


oh my goodness

well i decide to write a post about what i have been doing for a change instead of all the grey areas i've been thinking about! Lol.
Yesterday I took both my Grandparents to there appointments at the Kimball clinic and afterwards we went to Doo-Wah Ditty's for lunch like always :) A cheeseburger and a strawberry milkshake is the best lunch and sometimes a cup of soup if I'm especially hungry. My Gpa has been doing so well. He went to town without his walker this time and just used his cane. He hasn't been without his walker since I first came here in September!
When we got back to the farm he wanted to drive me up to the dam so I should go ice skating. We had to take the truck since t get there you drive through the field. Well the truck was we got in the car to drive up to the shop to get the battery charger. Well I was driving and there was only like 6 inches of hard snow on the ground to get up there I drove through it so I could pull right up to the door for Gpa. Unfortunately, it got stuck (it is the lamest car...i ran off the road with it a few months ago). So I tried with no luck to move it forward of backwards. So we got out and walk the 25 ft. to the shop. Gpa didn't have his walker or cane so i walked with him.

Well we got into the shop the battery wasn't in there so it must be in the shed. We decided to drive the four-wheeler over there to get it since the car was stuck. BUT it was dead too! Geez! So back to the took about 20 minutes. Gpa behind the wheel and me dumping gravel, shoveling away ice, and pushing it out. Finally we got it and drove over to the shed grabbed the battery and headed back to the garage to charge the truck battery up.

I've never hooked up jumper cables before and Gpas hand are too weak to do it so he told me where to hook it up but was unsure and couldn't get it on the other part :S ahhh. So we went inside to call our neighbor Edgar to come over and he saved the day. So I never went ice skating and was late making supper, i broke a dish, and late driving to town for my reliv meeting which was cancelled anyways once I got there! So you would think I'd be tired. but once again wasn't able to fall asleep until 3am!

Today, me and Gpa drove the charged up truck up to the shop and attempted to hook up the charger to the four-wheeler. I hooked it up...but was skeptical as to if it was right because Gpa didn't know last time. He handed me the cord to plug in and I was holding my breath praying "God don't let this blow up" it didn't and we'll see if it'll be charged up tomorrow or not.

I had a follow-up call that went longer then usual. and hadn't started supper yet..had no idea what to make either. Now you have to understand I have to have supper on the table at 6o'clock on the dot, because Gpa will come and sit at the table wet her its ready or not :S

I finally decided to make pancakes and it was 5:45. I started putting ingredients in the bowl 5 eggs one and one half cup of milk 6 T melted butter. it wasn't until I got to the 5 cups of buttermilk and 5 cups of flour that I realized what I had done. I didn't even have room for all those ingredient in the mixing bowl!!! DANG IT! It was 5:57 and I was freaking out.
I quickly took out half of the liquid and half of the dry ingredients and just mixed that up. Then I had problems warming the skillet up on the stove :S
Sure enough my Gpa came in at 6 and sat down at the table, took his blood sugar, then sat there waiting lol I didn't even have the table set yet and my pancakes were burning! :P I will spare you all the details...after we finish eating we let Ellie the dog clean of our plates. So i set my syrupy plate on the floor for her to clean...that darn dog didn't touch it. Well I forgot it was there and started cleaning the kitchen and stepped my barefoot right in the syrup! The plate stuck to my foot and i took a step with it stuck there! You can laugh but I didn't think it was funny. I guess now though ahahaha.
I cleaned up then I made a cherry-blueberry pie...that turned out perfect at least I have something to smile about tonight. :)
Bebo Norman/Jeremy Camp concert tomorrow YAHOO!!!


give me Your eyes for just one second, give me Your eyes so i can see, everything that i keep missing, give me Your love or humanity

God loves, today, and forever

Tenth Avenue North's album Over and Underneath have been my comfort and sustaining me this past week. Just the words...God loves me, He always has and always will. No matter what I have done and what I will do. He will always love me.
So this is all the songs and my favorite part of the lyrics...

Love is Here
Love is here
Love is now
Love is pouring from
His hands, from his brows
Love is near, it satisfies
Streams of mercy flowing from his side

Lift Us Up to Fall
Waiting for you God
With our hopes and fears
We come empty hands held out
Lord draw us near
Heal these broken hearts
And lift us up to fall before everything you are

By Your Side
Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough

Let it Go
You say you will be, everything I need
You said if I lose my life it's then I'll find my soul
You say let it go.

Break Me Down
I'm Yours, You can break me down
Break through these walls I hide behind

Hold My Heart
So many questions without answers
Your promises remain
I can't see but I'll take my chances
To hear You call my name

One tear in the dropping rain
One voice in a sea of pain
Could the Maker of the stars
Hear the sound of my breaking heart
One life is all I amRight now, I can barely stand
If You're everything You say You are
Would You come close and hold my heart

well my love is over,
its underneathits inside,
its in between,these times you're healing
and when your heart breaks
the times that you feel like you've fallen from grace
the times you're hurting
the times that you heal

Love of my life
Look deep in my eyes
There you will find what you need
Give me your lifeLust and the lies
The past you're afraid I might see
You've been running away from me

You're my beloved
Lover I'm yours
Death shall not part us
It's you I died for
For better or worse
Forever we'll be
Our Love it unites us
It binds you to me
It's a mystery

You Are
I give You all of me for all You are
Here I am
Take me apart
Take me apart

Satisfy me Lord, oh oh
Satisfy me Lord, oh oh
I'm begging You, to help me see
You're all I want, You're all I need
Oh, satisfy me Lord

Well I'm falling to my knees.
I feel the earth beneath
With the weight of my sin, and this crushing unbelief
Could You really love me with all that I've done,
oh Lord

I'm a shipwreck a sailor lost at sea
You're a tidal waveand You're crashing over me
Caught in your current and I'm sinking
But drowning peacefully

oh how my heart hurts...

last night was an encouragement to me from talking to my mom...she had read what i wrote on 1.31.09 and had told me she thought that is not what God wants for me...remaining single. And that He is just telling me to remain satisfied in Him at this time right now. Until I am restored and totally healed. That I should not go into a relationship or marriage carrying all of it with me because it could be harmful to the relationship. I must say that totally falling fully on God to find satisfaction is way more restoring then seeking it else where! I love mom so much, she is the most amazing person.

...but before that i was told something that made me ache inside for my mom. it made me want to go home right away to be with my family. i have been in constant prayer ever since i hung up with her and i didn't get right to sleep either. I know that only God can work in this situation...although it is extremely hard. That is all i can say about it though.



Is thinking too much good or bad for a person? Argh! I'm still praying about what I posted previously...I don't want to fall into a mind game. I really want to be actively waiting on God. After posting this one of my friends asked me out to a movie. I must admitted that I do kind of like him, but I am going to say no. Not only has it not been that long since everything that happened in the fall, but I'm not sure what direction God wants me to take. I just don't understand why that happened after I thought God would want me to be satisfied in Him alone :S but I will not try to lean on my own understanding, and acknowlegde Him in everything!