Set your mind on things above, not on the things that are on earth. For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God.


Every Woman Must Go Through Her Gethsemane Alone

Awhile ago a friend asked me these questions..."Have you ever had to face something that was hindering you from living? Have you ever had to come face to face with something knowing although it's going to be beyond your own strength to handle, it was the right thin to do? Have you ever had to face your own Calvary, Rachel dear?"
Those questions have been in the back of my mind and I wrestled with them a few weeks ago when I had a break through with myself concerning a few issues I was dealing with in my life...I thought I was I'm not....then I came across this article today. I have to agree that wrestling it out alone gives me so much more direction, but alas, I put it off and continue to out off...I'm letting the devil win when I let it happen. Maybe I'm just reluctant to find out what God will say!? I don't know. He has never failed me before when I have fallen before Him vulnerable and weak...but still I don't what to do it.
The shadow is returning...I thought I had gotten rid of it. I talked to my mom about it how I was feeling....just everything with weddings, marriage, and if I see a couple walking together, a new baby, go to a wedding or bridal shower, hearing another person who got engaged, or someone just got a new boyfriend...even in movies....I just don't/didn't feel happy about it. And I have begun to think that God doesn't have anyone out there for me, that he wants me to be single. and I don't want to have to deal with the kind of challenges that a marriage brings...if I stay out of relationships I won't get hurt, I won't hurt the other person...anyways mom said I was subconciously having the feeling of resentment towards weddings etc because all my friends are getting married etc, I honestly, really don't think it was bothering me, but apparently I was just blocking it and then that created feelings like there isn't anyone God has for me....yeah makes sense...I guess...I just need time...I told my dad that if any guy asks him to go out with me to tell them that I needed time, like the rest of this year, and if they were still interested to come back later...and I don't want him to tell me that either, I just need time, to be ready. But I still have these feeling of resentment, for lack of a better word, towards relationship and marriage. I can't get rid of I need some time alone, not just the usual time I spend alone to try ans escape...I need to be alone with God again and cry out to Him, Only He can heal me, He did last time so why am I so hesitant to go to Him this time...

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