So...My week has gone great! Sunday after biblestudy brought a whole new headache...lol but a good kind of headache from thinking alot. Just after the study I got into a discussion with a friend and this other guy. It was really good and just too much to type about.
Then Monday I talked to my Aunt Peggy about what being planned about G'ma and G'pa's situation. She asked how long I would be staying (and the thing was after talking with Daniel and Eric on Sunday, driving home I was praying about the very thing of how long God wanted me here. I got the sense all of a sudden that He wanted me to stay the summer...and I was like no, I am going back in the summer!) but I told her in April or May and she said that they have been looking for a place for g'ma and g'pa to move them to a place in town or assistant living or nursing home in May. So I will be coming back in May, unless this is not God's plan. I really don't wanna see g'ma and g'pa put in a place that is depressing and my aunt assured me that they never would do that and they would be put in a good place, I guess I knew that.
SO the week was going good...Until a certain person contacted me on Monday night, then everything that happened a few months ago came flooding back into my mind...I've been trying to block it out, but it keeps haunting me. I don't get it! I don't understand! Why can't these people just leave me alone! I don't even understand how people can even be that way!? It is just incredible, in a crazy, scary almost shocking kind of way!!! So Tuesday was a beautiful day and I went on a long walk and found a spot by the creek and just fell to my knees crying out to God...I tried to pray out my heart, my deepest feelings...just laying myself open to Him who knows my heart and understand me even if I don't understand myself. This time the peace that usually comes after bearing my heart to God didn't come as filling me. I still feel unsettled. And today was not a good day.
I have been repeating Proverbs 3:5-6 over and over in my head to get in my heart...to truly hold on to the promise it gives! It is such a great verse that I feel have taken for granted since I memorized when i was like 6. But it is soooooo true! TRUST in the LORD with all of your HEART! and lean not on your own understanding. in ALL your ways acknowledge HIM and HE will DIRECT your paths. I realize that I may not understand but that is not the point because if I try to do it on my own understanding I'm lost! If I rely and trust Him in everything...EVERYTHING!!! He will direct me, it says it right there in His word!!! WOW! :D :D
I have also started reading a book Courtney gave me for Christmas, White as Snow...meditations on sin and mercy by Paul David Tripp. It has been really amazing so far!