tied together with a smile, but coming undone

Well, I leave in 27 days to drive home for the summer. Today I've been thinking alot and not really motivated to do much else. The 9 months total that I have been I South Dakota have been a terrible awesome experience. I think it will still take some time for me to grasp all that has happened to me. So many questions have been peppering my brain that it's producing a headache. haha. For instance, if I knew what was gonna happen would I still of come out here? I don't know. I think about the awesome times I've had out here and how much I have grown. But then I think about the terrible times and how painful they were to endure to shape me into who I am today.
It is strange. The hurt seems to most days be far in the back of my mind almost forgotten, but then all of a sudden comes up to strongly that I can't seem to bear it. I suppose that it all will never be truly forgotten though I wish I could.
Today is one of those days were the hurt is very strong that I just don't want to feel it anymore.
God works in mysterious ways...ways I never expect. My expectations when I came out here, where happy and joyful. Now I have come to expect nothing. God help me make the most of the last few weeks I'm here. Help me to get rid of this burden.
The last few months, have just seemed to drift by. The burden became very heavy. Praying to God and talking to people who could kind of understood helped.
Two things of significance happened though the last few months. God called me to Africa and that feeling is so strong in me, that it is now a part of me. It is in my heart and on my mind daily. The other is I began feeling something I never felt before and it is still finding meaning in my heart. What it is to fall in love. :)


God, I do not understand what it is You are doing. I thought I had it down, but then You show me another piece. Just keep giving it to me piece by piece Father. You know the whole picture. I do understand that I can't handle the whole thing all at once and that is why You give it to me in pieces. Be near me as I struggle to put the pieces together. I trust You.