Like the beat of a song, and eet is just not quite right, like most things are when we try to remember them after we've forgotten them.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MMEpaVL_WsU

This song basically sums up the way I'm feeling about my life the last year and a half in so many ways...

(the following is someones elses interpretation of the song meaning, and it fits)
When you lose something or someone dear to you, it's confusing and painful....

- It's like forgetting the words to your favorite song.
- You can't believe it; you were always singing along.
- It was so easy and the words so sweet.
- You can't remember; you try to feel the beat.

"I found, is closest to the disbelief, the "I can't believe this is happening" feeling. And the last line 'You can't remember, you try to feel the beat' is trying to regain what you lost."

- You spend half of your life trying to fall behind.
- You're using your headphones to drown out your mind.
- It was so easy and the words so sweet.
- You can't remember; you try to move your feet

"The first line regards all the energy and the time spent trying to regain what you've lost, "falling behind" is like going back to when things were well, when you remembered the words to your favorite song. The next line, is about escaping your sorrow and your pain. And the next 2 lines are about trying to regain what you've lost by doing something familiar associated with it (in this example, that would be moving your feet like you did while singing your favorite song)."
.

Have a cup of coffee, say you went to church...

This is something that I was going to blog about awhile ago, but didn't. After church yesterday and hearing Pastor Josh go over the foundations of our church, thought I'd write my thoughts out. I went to a church with my Grandma and Aunt in MN last fall. I think it was non-denominational, but anyways walking in to the church was interesting. Now I'm not judging in any way, but when I walked in the first thing that came to mind was that this didn't feel like a church at all. I looked around and I see a coffee shop and tables surrounding. They had a lounge area where people were relaxing on couches and there was a big screen TV in the wall that had the video of the worship and service. People didn't even have to go into the sanctuary! When we got into the sanctuary apparently had missed the memo that it was jersey day so practically everyone was wearing a sport jersey of the favorite team. The worship felt like we were at a rock concert and should be screaming at the musicians and have all focus on them instead of worshiping God. I don't remember much else, but just left with an impression that Josh's words brought back to my mind again.
Just how churches are trying to come up with all these great programs and activities and ideas to get people and kids interested in coming to church. But really that is not what the church should be...the church should be sending people out to share the gospel. Basically working on the inside to send the gospel out that would bring people into the church. Church is about fellowship with the body of Christ and encouraging fellow believers. Preaching of the gospel and to share that with sinners. Anyhow, Josh said it a better way and this is my lame attempt. But really, I think there should be more to just going to have a cup of coffee and saying you went to church.

Be the change you wish to see in the world

I reflect back on the last week and half and how each day I have felt different emotions. A comforting peace and sure of my decision and then the next day my heart physically hurts like it is breaking into a million pieces. I am confident in the choice I have made, but I do need to reassure myself that this is the path God wants me to take.
After breaking it off with Daniel God has been working in my heart and stirring up Africa again…I so long to be there at this moment maybe just to get away from all this hurting, but God has His timing and I fully trust Him to get me there when it’s time. I have been pushing on a few doors though with no avail.

The last year and a half has been quite a journey…it started when I went to South Dakota in September 2008 to take care of grandma and grandpa. I think because it was the first time I was actually away from my parents is why the journey began. Reflecting back on everything brings a rush of so many memories and emotions its hard to grasp them all. The pain and the happiness. I think the biggest thing was how my spiritual journey was effected…

I think the lack of fellowship, my poor choices, and experience while I was away from home impacted me more then I thought. So much in that I came to a state where I couldn’t feel the closeness of my Savior. Sure when I went to a bible study or church and worshiped I would on occasion, but my personal spirituality was severely lacking. I couldn’t pray. I couldn’t read the Bible. I felt stuck, I was stuck. And don’t get me wrong I tried to do these things. What it came down to was a sin in my life I wasn’t viewing with the hated we as believers should have towards sin, that among the other things. When I got home from my second trip to SD this past Christmas, I was back in my beloved church where the Holy Spirit is clearly working, attending BSF where we are studying the book of John, and going back to the college study I’ve been in. Being convicted to confess my sin before the throne of grace and repenting I felt restored, it is still a working progress though.

The thing that really spoke to me were the chapters in the book of John BSF was doing at the time I came back.

From John chapter 9: Many time God gives us suffering in our lives in order to awaken our spirits.

From John chapter 10: Talks about Jesus being the Good Shepherd and how once we are His sheep no one can snatch us from out of His hand. He is holding onto me. I am secure in Him.

So during the time I felt I was so far from Christ…He was still holding onto me, not giving up, just patiently loving His child.

Another verse that keep coming up in my readings and lectures I attend was Psalm 46:10 “Be still, and know that I am God.” That is where God started speaking to me…just to be still and once I did He showed be the above truths reassuring me.

He never let’s go! Through the calm and through the storm, HE NEVER LETS GO OF ME!


Now where am I…? God has told me to go to Africa to be a part of getting Reliv over there. I found a ring at the dept store last week. It is a simple silver band with a twist in it and the words engraved on it are “Be the change you wish to see in the world.” I wear it now to remind me of this calling and how may not be able to change the world, but I can be that change.

The Only Thing That's Beautful In Me

Just like the oceans
You crash on me

Just like a tidal wave
You ruin me

Just like a hurricane
You devastate everything that needs to change

You are the only thing that's beautiful in me
Beautiful in me
You are the only thing that's beautiful in me
Beautiful in me

Just like a mountain peak
You lift me up

Just like a desert stream
You fill my cup

And like a heart that beats
You are the blood that covers me
You cover me

You are the only thing that's beautiful in me
Beautiful in me
You are the only thing that's beautiful in me
Beautiful in me

And all I can say is thank You,
Lord,
Thank You.


By: Rush of Fools

Praying for a family in N.C. I never met or even know, but they are my family in Christ

" . . . is so thankful I serve a Sovereign God who holds life and death in His hands."
That is a really good truth I thought to myself as I was scrolling through my friends status' on facebook. I "LIKE" and clicked. It was cool cause I was recently being reminded in biblestudy of God's Sovereignty.

15 minutes later the same friends changed her status again...

"Jesus said to her, 'I am the resurrection and the life; he who believes in Me shall live even if he dies, and everyone who lives and believes in Me shall never die.'" John 11:25-26 In the eyes of the world Aimee died today...but really she just started to live...all of eternity with the Savior she loved.

Hmm, I wonder who Aimee is. I had a lingering thought in my head if she was my friend's Grandmother or something. Out of curiousity I just searched her friends and the name Aimee Powell came up, but I couldn't see anything on her profile cause I wasn't friends. So I went to Allison Powell's profile and her wall was open. I scrolled down countless post from people who said they were praying for her and her sister and I was like oh my goodness what happened. Then I read Allison's status:

"Our sweet Aimee is finally finding all the rest she needs with her Savior. I feel blessed to have been close by and to hold her hand. Thank you for all your support. I'm being so well taken care of by family and friends. Prayers are still much appreciated as my family flies in and we have a lot to do in the coming days."

Just 10 hours before her status read:

"Allison Powell still somehow knows that God's in control, but we really need a miracle. Pray for my sister. She was in a car wreck and it will take a miracle"

My heart went out to her and her family. Oh my goodness. Then I found the news article and I was crying. Aimee was 25 years old, a fourth grade school teacher. I hurt for her family.

http://www.wsoctv.com/news/22302342/detail.html

But then I read the facebook status' again. Aimee was in her Savior's arms! And her family would see her again! I sent Allison a message telling her I was praying. I don't even know her she is just a mutal friend on facebook, but she is a fellow believer and my sister in Christ.

It is still hard to think about though. How fleeting is this life! She was just on her way to work, probably expecting a regular day maybe getting excited that tomorrow would be friday and then the weekend. She was 25. As far as I could tell she wasn't married. But her life here on earth ended, just like that!

But as my friend on facebook said, she just started living the life of eternity on the arms of the Savior she loved.
I went back to my friend's status and clicked "LIKE"

Please pray for the Powell Family, that they may be comforted in their grief and encouraged that Aimee is at rest with the Savior.

South Dakota Again...

I today is a week and a half since I've been in South Dakota. And Day 7 of nannying. I left on Monday September 28 (Mine and Daniel 6 month anniversary of being together!!!!) I stopped in Bozeman, MT for the night. Met up with some Reliv friends. Went on a short hike then went to The Barn for some country dancing. It was very fun. Had some great conversations!
Daniel knew I had a surprise for him for our anniversary, but had no idea what it was. I just told him he had to do what I said no questions asked. Tuesday was the longest day to drive 11+ hours. But the anticipation of surprising Daniel kept me going. Only his sister and parents knew of me coming. His sister had a game in Kimball the town near where my Grandparents farm is. I got there about 7 but Daniel wasn't there cause he was working late. So I continued onto Mitchell were he live another hour drive. Before I got to Kimball, alot of memories came flooding back into my head and I couldn't hold back the tears, just about Grandpa and everything that happened during my time with my grandparents. When I got to Kimball I went to the cemetery and all the grief I had been holding all summer since I left met me. I left South Dakota in May in such a hurry because of family issues, that everything that happened hadn't quite sunk in.
As I was approaching Mitchell I text Daniel and told him to call me as soon as he got off work. He called me when i was about 20 minutes away. We were talking about his day and stuff then he said he was going to Marlin's to eat because his family was at the game, there was no one home and he had been working all day and was very tired. I told him NO you have to go home. He was in the parking lot of the restaurant and he grudgingly turn around and went home. I was still driving and talking, getting closer about 10 minutes away. He got home and was whining about being tired and hungry. So he started getting something to eat at home and I told him "NO go downstairs and wait 10 more minutes. Remember no questions asked, you want your surprise or not." So he went down to the basement.
I pulled up to his house and all the lights were off. I went in through the garage and then said "Daniel I have to ask you a question. If you could have one wish tonight, what would you wish?" He said that he wished I was right there by his side.
At that point I hung up the phone and went down the steps. I got down there to find my boyfriend was sitting in the dark with the TV on. He heard me coming and sat up with a confused look on his face. Then I spoke, "your wish came true!" He recognized my voice and rush over. So yeah. The next couple hours he was I guess you would say frazzled. He thought I was 1300 hundred miles away and had no idea I was coming. It was a great surprise! :)
Now I've been nannying Tate 3, and Brandi 6 months. My cousins children. Tonight I'm going to a high school football game, meeting Daniel and his sister there and some of my cousins. Before that I think I'm going to go out to the Youngs farm. There is nothing there anymore...it was all sold in the auction. I need to go back. I've been working up to it since I left.

My Second Home

South Dakota Sunset by Badger Clark

A woman stood at her cottage door

And a traveler passed that way.

He was weary and dusty and tired of it all,

So he stopped, and she asked him to stay.

"Why do you choose this place to live?

This dusty, desolate spot

Where the sun beats down relentlessly

And the wind, when it blows, is so hot?

"The woman spoke, and her voice was low

And her eyes looked far away.

"Have you seen it when it's white with snow

On a crisp, bright winter's day?

Or when the trees are full of buds,

Or autumn leaves are falling?

These things we South Dakotans love,

For we hear our dear land calling."

Then she turned her eyes toward the west

Where a sunset swept the sky.

The traveler looked at the gloroius sight

And no longer wondered why.

Reliv N.O.W. (Nourishing Our World)

Well, there has been such a huge gap of time from my April post til now, so much has happened it would take awhile to write it all. I think that I'll just write from the this present time and if stuff comes up from the past that needs to be mentioned then I will do so.

I'm coaching swim team again this year. I can't believe that it is almost half way over! After this week there is only 2 weeks left! When swim team is over I won't be working at the pool anymore as a lifeguard. I have been praying and certain situations have presented themselves that have push me away and convinced me that it's time to leave the pool go.

I will start working full-time in Reliv! God has been pulling me closer and closer to it, and the final confirming thing that happened is my boyfriend, Daniel, wants to do it too...I am just so excited to be able to help people with their health and finances! I will be able to earn an amazing income if I work hard enough. When Daniel and I get married we will be together in everything! Instead of going to work separate jobs forty hours a week for the next forty years of our lives we will be working along side each other helping people, which we both love to do!!! We can both be stay at home parents and be able to will our income to our children after we are gone!

I am so excited for what this year will bring...there are still some uncertainties, but God is faithful and I fully trust His timing! :)

Yep! I'm still alive!

Haven't posted in like 3 months! Wowza!

It is interesting how God works. I reflect over my time in South Dakota and all that happened...I still cling to my Savior through it all. Grandpa past away a week after my last post. Today I just feel really sad...the 4th of July we always went to the farm.
Summer has been going pretty good...will write more soon :)

Happy 4th of July! God please bless America, though we don't deserve it. Forgive our nation. Let us seek after you.

I have a Shelter

Reflect on each of these verses...I love this song! "O Jesus I will hide in you!"

I have a shelter in the storm
When troubles pour upon me
Though fears are rising like a flood
My soul can rest securely
O Jesus, I will hide in You
My place of peace and solace
No trial is deeper than Your love
That comforts all my sorrows

I have a shelter in the storm
When all my sins accuse me
Though justice charges me with guilt
Your grace will not refuse me
O Jesus, I will hide in You
Who bore my condemnation
I find my refuge in Your wounds
For there I find salvation

I have a shelter in the storm
When constant winds would break me
For in my weakness, I have learned
Your strength will not forsake me
O Jesus, I will hide in You
The One who bears my burdens
With faithful hands that cannot fail
You’ll bring me home to heaven