I don't know
I don't know what to do. In this state of mind I'm stuck. I do know that God is faithful and I need to put my trust in Him. That when I do trust Him, He will give me the desires of my heart, and that the desires of my heart should align with God's agenda. What are the desires of my heart? Dare I dream? Dare I pursue the desires of my heart. My hopes. My dreams and ambitions. Is what I want just an ambition or a calling? How can I know when I feel torn between so many things that I want and that I feel. The spirit is willing but but the flesh is weak, oh how true. Is it wrong to want to do something great instead of just, what I feel, is the average? And is this great thing that I long for just an ambition or destiny? No, it is more then ambition. But how come I can't seem to go towards it? I feel like I should be moving forward to grasping instead of remaining in the same place every day. I want to go out and experience life. What kind of life? The life where I'm not stuck in a day to day schedule. A life where every day is filled with challenges, difficulties, and even danger. Can I have that life here or do I need to go somewhere else? Shouldn't everyday be like that for me in my walk with Christ? Do I make it to easy? Is God teaching me contentment once again...I want to feel the things that are right and moral...if I'm supposed to be content does that mean I'm supposed to settle? Ahhhh this wild passion I have has been contained for so long but recent events have stirred it up again even to a greater burning in my heart. Show me the way to go Heavenly Father. I cry out to You for help. I will do whatever You ask of me, that is and will always be my deepest desire.