Well, there has been such a huge gap of time from my April post til now, so much has happened it would take awhile to write it all. I think that I'll just write from the this present time and if stuff comes up from the past that needs to be mentioned then I will do so.
I'm coaching swim team again this year. I can't believe that it is almost half way over! After this week there is only 2 weeks left! When swim team is over I won't be working at the pool anymore as a lifeguard. I have been praying and certain situations have presented themselves that have push me away and convinced me that it's time to leave the pool go.
I will start working full-time in Reliv! God has been pulling me closer and closer to it, and the final confirming thing that happened is my boyfriend, Daniel, wants to do it too...I am just so excited to be able to help people with their health and finances! I will be able to earn an amazing income if I work hard enough. When Daniel and I get married we will be together in everything! Instead of going to work separate jobs forty hours a week for the next forty years of our lives we will be working along side each other helping people, which we both love to do!!! We can both be stay at home parents and be able to will our income to our children after we are gone!
I am so excited for what this year will bring...there are still some uncertainties, but God is faithful and I fully trust His timing! :)
7.04.2009
Yep! I'm still alive!
Haven't posted in like 3 months! Wowza!
It is interesting how God works. I reflect over my time in South Dakota and all that happened...I still cling to my Savior through it all. Grandpa past away a week after my last post. Today I just feel really sad...the 4th of July we always went to the farm.
Summer has been going pretty good...will write more soon :)
Happy 4th of July! God please bless America, though we don't deserve it. Forgive our nation. Let us seek after you.
It is interesting how God works. I reflect over my time in South Dakota and all that happened...I still cling to my Savior through it all. Grandpa past away a week after my last post. Today I just feel really sad...the 4th of July we always went to the farm.
Summer has been going pretty good...will write more soon :)
Happy 4th of July! God please bless America, though we don't deserve it. Forgive our nation. Let us seek after you.
7.01.2009
I have a Shelter
Reflect on each of these verses...I love this song! "O Jesus I will hide in you!"
I have a shelter in the storm
When troubles pour upon me
Though fears are rising like a flood
My soul can rest securely
O Jesus, I will hide in You
My place of peace and solace
No trial is deeper than Your love
That comforts all my sorrows
I have a shelter in the storm
When all my sins accuse me
Though justice charges me with guilt
Your grace will not refuse me
O Jesus, I will hide in You
Who bore my condemnation
I find my refuge in Your wounds
For there I find salvation
I have a shelter in the storm
When constant winds would break me
For in my weakness, I have learned
Your strength will not forsake me
O Jesus, I will hide in You
The One who bears my burdens
With faithful hands that cannot fail
You’ll bring me home to heaven
I have a shelter in the storm
When troubles pour upon me
Though fears are rising like a flood
My soul can rest securely
O Jesus, I will hide in You
My place of peace and solace
No trial is deeper than Your love
That comforts all my sorrows
I have a shelter in the storm
When all my sins accuse me
Though justice charges me with guilt
Your grace will not refuse me
O Jesus, I will hide in You
Who bore my condemnation
I find my refuge in Your wounds
For there I find salvation
I have a shelter in the storm
When constant winds would break me
For in my weakness, I have learned
Your strength will not forsake me
O Jesus, I will hide in You
The One who bears my burdens
With faithful hands that cannot fail
You’ll bring me home to heaven
4.25.2009
=D
Wow. God is awesome. Final answer.
He is continually knocking me in the head. HELLO! He never ceases to amaze me. Why do I ever doubt...geez! Anyways, the burden of my attitude is gone and one other matter is on the mend. WOW! Seriously...within the matter of a day, after months of having to struggle and endure...gone...just like that! He knows when I am ready for another piece of the puzzle of my life. Yeah, God is awesome.
Faithfully, He shows me, piece by piece.
He is continually knocking me in the head. HELLO! He never ceases to amaze me. Why do I ever doubt...geez! Anyways, the burden of my attitude is gone and one other matter is on the mend. WOW! Seriously...within the matter of a day, after months of having to struggle and endure...gone...just like that! He knows when I am ready for another piece of the puzzle of my life. Yeah, God is awesome.
Faithfully, He shows me, piece by piece.
tied together with a smile, but coming undone
Well, I leave in 27 days to drive home for the summer. Today I've been thinking alot and not really motivated to do much else. The 9 months total that I have been I South Dakota have been a terrible awesome experience. I think it will still take some time for me to grasp all that has happened to me. So many questions have been peppering my brain that it's producing a headache. haha. For instance, if I knew what was gonna happen would I still of come out here? I don't know. I think about the awesome times I've had out here and how much I have grown. But then I think about the terrible times and how painful they were to endure to shape me into who I am today.
It is strange. The hurt seems to most days be far in the back of my mind almost forgotten, but then all of a sudden comes up to strongly that I can't seem to bear it. I suppose that it all will never be truly forgotten though I wish I could.
Today is one of those days were the hurt is very strong that I just don't want to feel it anymore.
God works in mysterious ways...ways I never expect. My expectations when I came out here, where happy and joyful. Now I have come to expect nothing. God help me make the most of the last few weeks I'm here. Help me to get rid of this burden.
The last few months, have just seemed to drift by. The burden became very heavy. Praying to God and talking to people who could kind of understood helped.
Two things of significance happened though the last few months. God called me to Africa and that feeling is so strong in me, that it is now a part of me. It is in my heart and on my mind daily. The other is I began feeling something I never felt before and it is still finding meaning in my heart. What it is to fall in love. :)
God, I do not understand what it is You are doing. I thought I had it down, but then You show me another piece. Just keep giving it to me piece by piece Father. You know the whole picture. I do understand that I can't handle the whole thing all at once and that is why You give it to me in pieces. Be near me as I struggle to put the pieces together. I trust You.
It is strange. The hurt seems to most days be far in the back of my mind almost forgotten, but then all of a sudden comes up to strongly that I can't seem to bear it. I suppose that it all will never be truly forgotten though I wish I could.
Today is one of those days were the hurt is very strong that I just don't want to feel it anymore.
God works in mysterious ways...ways I never expect. My expectations when I came out here, where happy and joyful. Now I have come to expect nothing. God help me make the most of the last few weeks I'm here. Help me to get rid of this burden.
The last few months, have just seemed to drift by. The burden became very heavy. Praying to God and talking to people who could kind of understood helped.
Two things of significance happened though the last few months. God called me to Africa and that feeling is so strong in me, that it is now a part of me. It is in my heart and on my mind daily. The other is I began feeling something I never felt before and it is still finding meaning in my heart. What it is to fall in love. :)
God, I do not understand what it is You are doing. I thought I had it down, but then You show me another piece. Just keep giving it to me piece by piece Father. You know the whole picture. I do understand that I can't handle the whole thing all at once and that is why You give it to me in pieces. Be near me as I struggle to put the pieces together. I trust You.
4.22.2009
4.21.2009
Oh btw...
...there's been a skunk in the garage. Believe me he left his evidence! I hope he doesn't come back and worse yet...is not in there when I open the door! That would be interesting.
I feel like screaming...but its whatever really...argh
AAAHHH! Okay, I am okay. Eh, I don't like when I feel like this. Argh. Blah. :P Whatever. Nothing happened today. I have no specific reason I'm feeling this way, so its whatever really. Hmmm...I haven't posted in over a month, gotta get back on it! It is weird cuz I'll go through phases where I post alot then am silent for periods of time. Blah.
Well, phewy. I don't know even where to start or what to say. I think I know what the problem is but I can't get over the (what feels like) a mountian! Ergh. Yeah. Okay. I can't get my thoughts typed out on the computer screen right now so...I be posting actually something worth reading later...okay, sorry to waste your time of reading a worthless post. Bye.
Well, phewy. I don't know even where to start or what to say. I think I know what the problem is but I can't get over the (what feels like) a mountian! Ergh. Yeah. Okay. I can't get my thoughts typed out on the computer screen right now so...I be posting actually something worth reading later...okay, sorry to waste your time of reading a worthless post. Bye.
3.17.2009
Darkness and Light
From Whiter than Snow by: Paul Tripp
He'd lived in the darkness for so long he didn't know that it was dark. Dark was normal and since he'd never experienced light, dark didn't seem dark to him. It wasn't as though he woke up in the morning praying and longing for light. And it wasn't that he had to work to accept the darkness. No, darkness was all he'd ever known. Sure, he fumbled around, bumped into things, and fell down a lot, but none of it bothered him. It was what every day was like for him. He didn't really long to see. He didn't long to see because he didn't know that there was anything worth seeing. He really did think that he saw all there was to see; darkness. He didn't have an accurate sense of size, shape, or color. He had little sense of beauty. He didn't really know what things looked like because the darkness he lived in was so pervasive that the objects around him were but shadows, blobs and blurs.
He had no idea what he looked like because he'd never really seen himself. He thought he knew what he looked like because he'd touched his face and run his hands down his torso, but he'd never seen himself in the light. He was actually quite content in his darkened world and he was quite happy to do what people do when you live in a dark place. He just got up everyday and did what you do when you can't see. Except he didn't know that he couldn't see because he'd never seen because he'd always lived in darkness.
Then it happened one day. He hadn't longed for it. He hadn't asked for it. It just happened. A shaft of light exploded into his world. At first it scared and confused him. He didn't know what it was and his eyes didn't seem able to take it in. All he really knew was that it was different from the darkness he'd always known. It was bright and beautiful and it hurt his eyes, but he couldn't stop looking. He couldn't keep himself from walking toward the light. The closer he got to the light, the more he began to see what was around him. There was a whole world of shapes and colors he'd never seen. But something even more profound began to happen to him. It was shocking, disturbing, and exciting all at once. The closer he got to the light, the more he saw himself! The first thing he realized was that he was naked. For the first time he felt naked. For the first time his nakedness made him uncomfortable. But he not only realized he was naked, he realized he was dirty. And not only was he dirty, he was confronted with the fact that he was lame.
He kept walking toward the light and he felt joy as he did so, but the joy was mixed with grief. As he walked he began to weep. He'd never wept like this before. He wept at the pain he felt over his condition. He'd not known how dirty he was. He'd not known how crippled he was and he felt overwhelmed at what he now knew. He was stunned by the fact that he'd been this way since birth and he'd never known it. He was shocked that he'd never figured out that he moved with a limp. But his shock was quickly mixed with the deepest longing he'd ever felt. It was like he was starved for something he'd never eaten, but now wanted desperately. What he wanted desperately for the first time in his life was to be clean. For the first time in his life he wasn't satisfied being crippled. He longed to be healed. And even though he didn't understand light at all, for the first time in his life he wanted to live in it. And he couldn't imagine ever being content to live in the darkness again.
So he started to run. He ran because he felt drawn - drawn to the light that had so radically altered his world. He wanted to be in the light because somehow he knew that if he could get in the light, he'd be washed and he'd be clean. Somehow he knew that if he could get to the light he would be healed. He knew he couldn't run because he was lame, but he did run. The light was drawing him. The light was giving him strength.He remembers well those darkened days in that darkened place. He remembers it all with a broken and a celebratory heart. And he is very aware that not only has he been cleansed and healed, he's been given the ability to see as well. And he's deeply grateful that he's been clothed with what he couldn't purchase and that deep within him has been placed the desire to be clean.
"Generous in love—God, give grace!
Huge in mercy—wipe out my bad record.
Scrub away my guilt,
soak out my sins in your laundry.
I know how bad I've been;
my sins are staring me down. "
Psalm 51: 1-3 (The Message)
my own thoughts:
I knew of the Light and thought I was living in it. But in a sense I was in darkness. It was a slow fade...it wasn't like I crumbled in a day. I look back and realize that the one thing I struggled with made me fall, fall down deep. I thought I would never be able to get up again, I was full of shame, guilt, devastation. Falling into the darkness I looked up and could see, finally, exactly what the Light was. Before me was the cross, before me was the Throne of Grace, before me was the Savior I had been taking for granted. Can I now wish I had never fallen? Because if I hadn't I would still be wondering around thinking I am better then most people. But I am not. All of us are lost and in need of a Savior.
The pain of the past hurts at times. I know it shaped me into the person I am to be, but it still hurts...am I to be thankful for it? Should I wish it never happened? But what happened refined me into who I am already called to be.
He'd lived in the darkness for so long he didn't know that it was dark. Dark was normal and since he'd never experienced light, dark didn't seem dark to him. It wasn't as though he woke up in the morning praying and longing for light. And it wasn't that he had to work to accept the darkness. No, darkness was all he'd ever known. Sure, he fumbled around, bumped into things, and fell down a lot, but none of it bothered him. It was what every day was like for him. He didn't really long to see. He didn't long to see because he didn't know that there was anything worth seeing. He really did think that he saw all there was to see; darkness. He didn't have an accurate sense of size, shape, or color. He had little sense of beauty. He didn't really know what things looked like because the darkness he lived in was so pervasive that the objects around him were but shadows, blobs and blurs.
He had no idea what he looked like because he'd never really seen himself. He thought he knew what he looked like because he'd touched his face and run his hands down his torso, but he'd never seen himself in the light. He was actually quite content in his darkened world and he was quite happy to do what people do when you live in a dark place. He just got up everyday and did what you do when you can't see. Except he didn't know that he couldn't see because he'd never seen because he'd always lived in darkness.
Then it happened one day. He hadn't longed for it. He hadn't asked for it. It just happened. A shaft of light exploded into his world. At first it scared and confused him. He didn't know what it was and his eyes didn't seem able to take it in. All he really knew was that it was different from the darkness he'd always known. It was bright and beautiful and it hurt his eyes, but he couldn't stop looking. He couldn't keep himself from walking toward the light. The closer he got to the light, the more he began to see what was around him. There was a whole world of shapes and colors he'd never seen. But something even more profound began to happen to him. It was shocking, disturbing, and exciting all at once. The closer he got to the light, the more he saw himself! The first thing he realized was that he was naked. For the first time he felt naked. For the first time his nakedness made him uncomfortable. But he not only realized he was naked, he realized he was dirty. And not only was he dirty, he was confronted with the fact that he was lame.
He kept walking toward the light and he felt joy as he did so, but the joy was mixed with grief. As he walked he began to weep. He'd never wept like this before. He wept at the pain he felt over his condition. He'd not known how dirty he was. He'd not known how crippled he was and he felt overwhelmed at what he now knew. He was stunned by the fact that he'd been this way since birth and he'd never known it. He was shocked that he'd never figured out that he moved with a limp. But his shock was quickly mixed with the deepest longing he'd ever felt. It was like he was starved for something he'd never eaten, but now wanted desperately. What he wanted desperately for the first time in his life was to be clean. For the first time in his life he wasn't satisfied being crippled. He longed to be healed. And even though he didn't understand light at all, for the first time in his life he wanted to live in it. And he couldn't imagine ever being content to live in the darkness again.
So he started to run. He ran because he felt drawn - drawn to the light that had so radically altered his world. He wanted to be in the light because somehow he knew that if he could get in the light, he'd be washed and he'd be clean. Somehow he knew that if he could get to the light he would be healed. He knew he couldn't run because he was lame, but he did run. The light was drawing him. The light was giving him strength.He remembers well those darkened days in that darkened place. He remembers it all with a broken and a celebratory heart. And he is very aware that not only has he been cleansed and healed, he's been given the ability to see as well. And he's deeply grateful that he's been clothed with what he couldn't purchase and that deep within him has been placed the desire to be clean.
"Generous in love—God, give grace!
Huge in mercy—wipe out my bad record.
Scrub away my guilt,
soak out my sins in your laundry.
I know how bad I've been;
my sins are staring me down. "
Psalm 51: 1-3 (The Message)
my own thoughts:
I knew of the Light and thought I was living in it. But in a sense I was in darkness. It was a slow fade...it wasn't like I crumbled in a day. I look back and realize that the one thing I struggled with made me fall, fall down deep. I thought I would never be able to get up again, I was full of shame, guilt, devastation. Falling into the darkness I looked up and could see, finally, exactly what the Light was. Before me was the cross, before me was the Throne of Grace, before me was the Savior I had been taking for granted. Can I now wish I had never fallen? Because if I hadn't I would still be wondering around thinking I am better then most people. But I am not. All of us are lost and in need of a Savior.
The pain of the past hurts at times. I know it shaped me into the person I am to be, but it still hurts...am I to be thankful for it? Should I wish it never happened? But what happened refined me into who I am already called to be.
3.15.2009
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